prayers for lifting
whatever load
that never existed

god must be
the most patient
being of all

the fact
that i can't
imagine god

probably
means god
does exist

evidence
all around
in maths

in stars
in sunsets
and dawns

footsteps
and marks
indicating

a guiding
hand or a
light of love

if i dare
to ask i get
and i know

what was not given
was not asked for
thus rendered


**

some people write
because it is one thing
of very few things
you have the illusion
of control over

but can you choose
choose what to write
or is the muse beating
a brain like a drum
boom boom boom






###

i've set in motion
things i cannot control
or i have no idea
how i influence them

still i consider
what i might say or do
or think to have these
people places or things

especially people
you cannot persuade
very much to go or do
anything at all

but why even assume
a position to persuade

because even the attitude
i might have a suggestion
is arrogance or pride
how dreadful

why can't i sit
and be content with
the sun this morning
and clip my pace

abandon all ideas
because pick up put down
over and over again
is just expressing selfishness

abandon the inventor
when i thought
i started out so happy
easy and pure

i've set in motion
things i cannot control

in this see my attitude
see my continued
sad worship of self

i keep things in motion
i set going nothing
other than my own
selfish ends

i have an image
of a buddha
with an automatic light

when the light
comes on
before dawn

i say a prayer
for all of us
i send a prayer to you

i send you
my highest aspirations
of happiness

automatic buddha light
reminding me
of something that comes
totally naturally for me

wishing you safety
wishing you peace
of mind

naturally i desire
contentment joy
and happiness
for you

may it lead us
through the many
mysteries that
need no solution

may you always
find love and ways
to love always

she wrote of the exhausting
even doomed work of poets in cafes
or serious writers being beaten to pieces
one letter one vowel at a time
at some point knowing too much
too much nerves to have nerve
to take at literature or lines or stanzas

here my pencil is dull
my pen is running out of ink
there are not enough pages
even then when i feel it is the end

i also feel like laughing

who makes it as far as a donkey
like me

in poverty i see
a wonderful star

over rooftops

it is perfect
no one else has it

it says write
my heart leaps

the pure white literary gods
in their mansions

are asleep


-------


to Rosemary Tonks

last night i remember
my teacher in my dreams
blessing me quickly and getting away
so i don't remember and spoil it

every time i see him i cry



----

For Tsedrup Tharchin
10th lineage holder of the Repkong Ngakpas

Chötrul Düchen
2/22/16

to take an expansive view
on delight

where it crosses all boundaries
covers everything

gives courage without hope
resolve

understanding to stay a course
and go on

new birds are seen over
new shores

where you came from before
you barely remember

i read holy books
as if they are just easy reading tattered novels

it is better that way
because why ruin a good holy book with thinking

every river i cross
in my dreams does not get me wet in the least

i have crossed
missions of rivers in my dreams for holy books

\\\\\

i recite the 'heart of transcendent knowledge'
on the beach watching the surf come in

i remember the entire sutra
it took me three years to commit to memory

i do this for all sentient beings
and to short circuit my mind

i do this to rewire my power
convert the factory of a self to make no-self

i will keep repeating the sutra
until the bearings of my mind come apart

because there is no replacing you
on the beach watching the surf come in

accepting fear or fury
i become like a thief
i see hell beings love too
even angles are crazy

letting go of my will
staying in this moment
the fires go out and wings
cease beating non stop

a feeling arises
unimpeded of who or how
intricate details now seen
as little shiny toys

i don't know you
even though we met
we rarely get to know anyone
better to be safe

in this protection
real misery develops
unchecked by detection
goes on and on

waking up
from my illusions

the wall is
dazzling white

i will paint
a flower

or a bird
on a roof

finances fail
job gets difficult
people split
perfect really

lots to work on
it all being fresh
and stark as a slap
in the face

not a single
complaint
knowing
where i am

like finding your self
all over again seeing a starry sky
not thinking how someone else might be
enchanted or happy too

anything set aside truly
has no bearing on your mind
anymore than when you noticed the wind
and how it moved a drape

i don't want to forget
but i will and i am starting to now
not being reminded on the hour or day
consciousness smudges

the crisp recollections
start to dog ear and fade
a blessing for me who forgets i suppose
that is the way for people like me

when i open the door
i am devoid of curiosity or wonder
holding no reverence to the dawn i walk into
but then i see venus

i am amazed by it
i look all about me and every shape and thing
compels and reminds my heart is
cradled in soft light

i let go
as it goes

reading a zen story
putting rocks in my pockets

i remember
to be funny to myself

they painted
the wall next door

it is dazzling
white

a magic physicist said
there are possibly innumerable universes
each one happening at the same time
in parallel

i see someone far above
shuffling them and laying out a new spread
each new day and i can mentally
belong to any of them

dukkha does not mean just 'suffering'
it means i wanted the full moon three weeks ago
and everything spread below it in the night
with me and you

dukkha does not mean just 'suffering'
it means i thought of kissing you and i experience
two realities -- in one i did kiss you
and in one i am here

we study dukkha
i suffer from it

the story i create
out my thoughts

you had a part in it
and so did i

it was coming into
focus and beautiful

event changes
mind changes now

my ego loses
the tread of sense

i suffer from
dukkha my own opinions

my secret pride
curbed in the corner

just me and my pride
looking at each other

so a new story starts
dukkha

we keep studying
this

i can laugh about it
sometimes

how you
are not here

how i grab at
and how i deny
i grab

if i feel
i might make any
new pattern

of letting go
i have hope

you can't have it
because of your desire

it isn't here
because you can't see it

even relating
to it erases it

you can't even
preserve a cobweb
or dust

so get up an go
get down the path

other meadows
other sunrises

one must travel
broadly to have
a wide mind

like having a conversation alone
to a wall about companionship or love

or being at a filling station empty
in the middle of the night with no money

it is just one of those things
so you ride it out because it can't stay

every moment was made unforgettable
by this counting brain but now tired

looking out a window at the trees
with no thought as night falls



*