lost some enthusiasm
when i saw how much suffering
i caused when i had enthusiasms

i imagined like being
on some rare boat down a gilded stream
adorned in bejeweled molecules

with dignity the role i could play

but after a rest and reappraisal
i saw the keenest new thing

i floored it

taking a swing at the moon
figuring to fix what breaks


**

7.14.16

i dream cats have taken over the world
with their politics

white longhairs with puffy tails
and smushed faces

i'm trying to escape them
they chase me in the dream

little bells tinkling
and no other sounds at all

when i turn to fight
i see them arranged in a stack

like a honeycomb or a grid
you park cars in

when i see this i know
who is running the show

i the dreamer
am in charge

brooding over
closed doors to rooms you hated

some so stuffed to the brim
with blame it is impossible to see in them

you sitting in the light
with a nice breeze and a checkered cloth

free as you'd care to be
in a place that can live as wherever you'd like

\___

i hear some asshole
whistling
whistling

he is talking
through whistles

then they talk
in spanish

and i write
in english

but i keep wondering
how we communicate at all

i'm using
shapes and spaces

poems are like
whistling
whistling

your life isn't like TV
so try not to watch it
like a show
or be asking yourself
how do i fit in this scene

nobody fits into anything
we aren't home or away


*


Day after my Birthday
2016

i had a great dream last night
i can't remember a single thing about it

much like a previous life
every mark feature and thought

it all gets washed away like chalk
off  the eternal sidewalk

at my own twilight i have to stop playing
and go inside for bed

then up appearing
bright and early the next dawn

just as exciting and fun and fresh
as it was with the previous me

a question
that in his death

the body dropped
away of limited sight

has he knowledge
revealed to him

does he know
the movement of fate

has he knowledge
of the future

or of other mysteries
that baffle us



or is revelation
possible irregardless

even as far as
indifferent to solid or not

as lightening
potential appears

out of empty space
yet in space

transcending
life or death

heaven
or earth


***

For Pat Payne
1928 - 2016

i had a dream
the apartment was in order

it was bright
i did not ruin the laundry

you liked the salad

it is nice to talk
as is we were friends

or a good idea

today is like an era
you read in a book

after a time
of reconstruction

surrender or war


...

i would be embarrassed
if my neighbors or co-workers could see

but here are my hand signals
my pursed lips my cocked head in askance

here is my hat
a sunny boat a glass of amrita or cream

or the hotel room
graciously i stayed at and got it on in


---

turning from the burning
pyramid of khufu

this ravaged by the avarice
of robbers ancient

mount shaped as the cosmic base
beheld by armies and tyrants

stone ruin hardly pitched at all
by love filth birth or death

cameras now turning
to a golf course

a green shadow
to remember by

it has an overwhelmingly
positive 5 star rating

but with a tough lie
on the 10th hole

then
rivers of time moving

a necropolis
will gently seed there

where you
will be buried

tourists
new cameras turning

turning from the burning
pyramid of khufu

\

right before i wake up
we argue in the dream
 as in real life

and as in waking day
the argument is silly petty
 even vindictive

but time is not tied to anything
in worlds of make-believe
 or dreams

in both experiences i see i am
like a doorway open
 or closed

seeing this now
after so many years
to blame
 what a shame

i sit and watch the waves
and think about the robots on the internet
who write me and say they are adorable

it is july 4th and the surfers
are just getting some good waves
after the ocean was so flat

an oil derrick by catalina island
salutes burning off some natural gas
on the end of a long boom

i prefer each fictitious contact
to be as unreal as it seems

another example
of a reflection wrapped in a false plea

of a reflection
wrapped in a bit of appeal if you see it

in any case how serious
can i keep my private thoughts
to my vanity inner patriot or clown


___

July 4
Sunset Beach

like you i listen to the same songs
the same song unendingly
even the same time of day

making all others listen too
it might be peggy lee
or simon & garfunkle

we're on the couch
with a horde of newspapers
it here it comes

just like remembering
the same event at the reunion
wedding or office

the dropping the same tired old pun
with the familiar worn out
windup

like you i do the same thing
but why does it have to be so
because i wouldn't ever be like you

i swore i wouldn't traveled crossed states and
took on relationships jobs cities to prove otherwise

but here i am sometimes actually looking forwards
to three pm and hey jude or the boxer
after we have read the irish sport pages

here develop the deformities
the marks of
of middle age

on my face or my neck
my eyes or hair
my torso and legs

hated by some youth or
younger set just
by being alive
scored scratched

an old cueball on
what should be a pristine
playway of style
poise clever lifestyle

it isn't sufficient to say
fuck you this way
nor should it be
grin and bear it

i see the humor in and also
some of the sadness

my turn now
yours will be later

all along i bet
my green is greener than yours
my hopes higher
my dreams dreamier


*

7.01.16
Bodega bay

i see that narcissists are like animals
with no comfort of an animal

nor with any generosity like an animal
nor with any regal bearing of an animal
nor with any industry of an animal

but with a vulgar display
and a hatred like a dying creature
sickened with disease


*

fog recedes the sky racing blue

where does the wind
come from my son asks

or where does it go

i tell him of hot rising air
and transparent domes

high pressure that soars

cold air from the sea
will speed past us for miles
to the orchards of sebastopol

from there swirl up

over the apples and grapes
and all the redwood trees
and all the pioneer burying grounds

it will know everything

the rocks and fields
solitary farms and hideouts
even lost pirate treasure

my son nods and we agree

thus strange magic associated
from whatever shimmers in the distance
and stray birds so knowledgeable


**

Bodega Bay
6.30.16

if i could move fortune with my will
i would bully it constantly

do you feel the prerogative

when i see you pretending
smiling happy not to be yourself

i see me too dancing prattling
yet incapable of hiding what i think

to be seen and to be pitied or hated
how horrible and exhilarating

do you feel the prerogative

go walking walking walking
as if you will escape yourself

your cunning grip your secret lies
hid by a river or buried on a mountain

locked up in africa or smothered

or known over all things
like a billion scattering of stars

do you feel the prerogative


*

on the converted green belt
where trolleys used to run

they pick up tiny dog turds
in biodegradable bags

the grass is neatly clipped
each blade of a limitless number

like thoughts that come
and vanish in a relaxed mind

both could meander on
seeming forever

only interrupted by a curb
or a street

*

neat brown seaside house
in a smart row of them

but this one has
a window

that is not centered

it is to the left
and no doctor can fix it

palm trees are long
swaying over green benches

a hush that says you

the sky is gray
but later the sun

will get through

waking men and women
of industry and promotion

gentle shiny cars
will nose out of garages

streets where

random thoughts
drive gentle shiny cars


*

Southern California
The day after the Summer Solstice
2016

some are epic surfers
others fearless mountain climbers

you have a talent
for getting the last word in


*