there is the kind of prayers
that meet no answer and bear
no results but still the prayer
says them with whatever unhappy
motivation later exhausted
by the futile type of action
of saying empty prayers

going in and out of focus
when you are seen it is in maps
owls rooftops and cinder beehives
i don't know what i am typing
i don't know what i mean
but it must go and it goes
the only honest writing i do




2

there is nothing i can do
other than saying no to being angry
i'm in the barrel

a selfish man says he is selfish
not meaning it and making it sound
like realization

the only person conned is the liar
truly ripped off is the stealer
lost forever is the egotist

so when in doubt
add some compassion
look at intentions

you can't be a villain
all the time

penumbral lunar eclipse
i have been 6 years on the path

following the secret thread
found in all faiths and systems

incidental awareness of nowness
in the most curious of places

in the traffic light or scrap of paper
or lost doll on the side of the road

that is me lost happy
smiling but not needing help


3.23.10 / 3.23.16

I dreamed I achieved enlightenment last night, it occurred quite suddenly
I was very happy, if not a bit surprised.

Awakening, I am here still,
the fact I am not enlightened is not bothersome, I knew I was dreaming.

The electric candle is on,
illuminating the hear center of my Buddha thanka.

What a remarkable dream, and may it happen as soon as possible
if it will benefit you, dear reader. Or me.

May we all have dreams like this, to remind us that anything is possible
and just around the corner if you wish it.

it was a clean strong wind
fresh off the end of a storm

ocean ragged foam
waves never ending torn

motion light joy air
fury action activity birds

as far as the eye could see
up and down the strand

might and light fleck
glints of silver and gold

barely a footprint remained
from hours before

stragglers and sleepers
all home in bed

the ocean blows storm end
mightier than any horn

every molecule in a body
racing as the eyes scan

a clean strong wind
fresh off the end of a storm

prayers for lifting
whatever load
that never existed

god must be
the most patient
being of all

the fact
that i can't
imagine god

probably
means god
does exist

evidence
all around
in maths

in stars
in sunsets
and dawns

footsteps
and marks
indicating

a guiding
hand or a
light of love

if i dare
to ask i get
and i know

what was not given
was not asked for
thus rendered


**

some people write
because it is one thing
of very few things
you have the illusion
of control over

but can you choose
choose what to write
or is the muse beating
a brain like a drum
boom boom boom






###

i've set in motion
things i cannot control
or i have no idea
how i influence them

still i consider
what i might say or do
or think to have these
people places or things

especially people
you cannot persuade
very much to go or do
anything at all

but why even assume
a position to persuade

because even the attitude
i might have a suggestion
is arrogance or pride
how dreadful

why can't i sit
and be content with
the sun this morning
and clip my pace

abandon all ideas
because pick up put down
over and over again
is just expressing selfishness

abandon the inventor
when i thought
i started out so happy
easy and pure

i've set in motion
things i cannot control

in this see my attitude
see my continued
sad worship of self

i keep things in motion
i set going nothing
other than my own
selfish ends

i have an image
of a buddha
with an automatic light

when the light
comes on
before dawn

i say a prayer
for all of us
i send a prayer to you

i send you
my highest aspirations
of happiness

automatic buddha light
reminding me
of something that comes
totally naturally for me

wishing you safety
wishing you peace
of mind

naturally i desire
contentment joy
and happiness
for you

may it lead us
through the many
mysteries that
need no solution

may you always
find love and ways
to love always

she wrote of the exhausting
even doomed work of poets in cafes
or serious writers being beaten to pieces
one letter one vowel at a time
at some point knowing too much
too much nerves to have nerve
to take at literature or lines or stanzas

here my pencil is dull
my pen is running out of ink
there are not enough pages
even then when i feel it is the end

i also feel like laughing

who makes it as far as a donkey
like me

in poverty i see
a wonderful star

over rooftops

it is perfect
no one else has it

it says write
my heart leaps

the pure white literary gods
in their mansions

are asleep


-------


to Rosemary Tonks

last night i remember
my teacher in my dreams
blessing me quickly and getting away
so i don't remember and spoil it

every time i see him i cry



----

For Tsedrup Tharchin
10th lineage holder of the Repkong Ngakpas

Chötrul Düchen
2/22/16

to take an expansive view
on delight

where it crosses all boundaries
covers everything

gives courage without hope
resolve

understanding to stay a course
and go on

new birds are seen over
new shores

where you came from before
you barely remember

i read holy books
as if they are just easy reading tattered novels

it is better that way
because why ruin a good holy book with thinking

every river i cross
in my dreams does not get me wet in the least

i have crossed
missions of rivers in my dreams for holy books

\\\\\

i recite the 'heart of transcendent knowledge'
on the beach watching the surf come in

i remember the entire sutra
it took me three years to commit to memory

i do this for all sentient beings
and to short circuit my mind

i do this to rewire my power
convert the factory of a self to make no-self

i will keep repeating the sutra
until the bearings of my mind come apart

because there is no replacing you
on the beach watching the surf come in

accepting fear or fury
i become like a thief
i see hell beings love too
even angles are crazy

letting go of my will
staying in this moment
the fires go out and wings
cease beating non stop

a feeling arises
unimpeded of who or how
intricate details now seen
as little shiny toys

i don't know you
even though we met
we rarely get to know anyone
better to be safe

in this protection
real misery develops
unchecked by detection
goes on and on

waking up
from my illusions

the wall is
dazzling white

i will paint
a flower

or a bird
on a roof

finances fail
job gets difficult
people split
perfect really

lots to work on
it all being fresh
and stark as a slap
in the face

not a single
complaint
knowing
where i am

like finding your self
all over again seeing a starry sky
not thinking how someone else might be
enchanted or happy too

anything set aside truly
has no bearing on your mind
anymore than when you noticed the wind
and how it moved a drape

i don't want to forget
but i will and i am starting to now
not being reminded on the hour or day
consciousness smudges

the crisp recollections
start to dog ear and fade
a blessing for me who forgets i suppose
that is the way for people like me