Poem - i dream of a mouse / in a box

i dream of a mouse
in a box

a copier box
no a computer box

no it is a
printer box

and it is
a rat not a mouse

no it is a
cat

no it is a
raccoon

i go to
the kitchen

it follows me
and i let it out

into the
back yard


__

hb
2014

Poem - Forum

go there to shine
not to be found

as a self-said
king or queen

a selfish story
because it lauds

and you wrote it
with praise in mind


*

Poem - many are just extremely / grateful and happy

there are people
who forget their purpose

or forget what they wanted
from when they started out

they don't all end up
feeling lost with a haunted look

many are just extremely
grateful and happy


**

HB
j 24 2014

Poem - if you understand the deathless essence / in all things preferable and not preferable

the compassionless attempt
to arouse pain and unhappiness in others

matching their own experience 

most realize on some level
even subconsciously this
towards others is wrong

the cruelty we do is inescapable

a vindictive mind will emphasize this

out of self hatred

so turn away from hatred

lack of compassion

and cruelty

avoid it like you would avoid

drinking poison

or burying yourself

pray for the benefit of others

especially your enemies

and bow at their feet

they have shown you the way

by illustrating the insane

futility of hatred

if you understand the deathless essence

in all things preferable and not preferable

you will have won

for you the race will be over

for others who knows

they will race on

+

hb

7.23.14

Poem - i can't have bad feeling / toward the leaf in you

even if i feel sad
it is okay because i know
change is happening right now

nothing stays put
things come and go

tonight i'll sleep
and spend an eternity
in dreams

a few hours or 5.000 years
would feel the same

so why be blue
over anything

each of us is like
a leaf facing the winds
of their own mind

i can't have bad feeling
toward the leaf in you


__

Poem - and i never knew / anything about you

another poem
for you to read

the one who has nothing
or knows poetry

tonight you sit there
staying in or thinking
to go out

window shade drawn
television on

in a room i never
was allowed to see

someone on the phone
for several hours

other people calling
who never get through

it is a small kingdom
and you are absolute ruler

staying in or thinking
to go out

10 x 13 or 15 x 12
i'll never know

though mom comes in
with questions

and your father
slams the doors

and i never knew you
anything about you

it is obvious now

Poem - I'd rather go/ watch it snow

I don't know
why they are there.

They never seem
to do anything
except send little
innocuous messages.

I'd rather go
watch it snow.

Then take a nap.

Or eat a sandwich
reading a

National
Geographic.


--

For Richard Brautigan,
who'd write something like this
after online dating.

Poem - The Patient 7 & 8

7

the claim to find his body
it is not his body
i almost ask if there
is a pack of playing cards
in his effects

his things are
laid out

no torn ace of
diamonds


8

my wife leaves me
for my secretary

Poem - The Patient 6

6

when i get the letter
that starts with
when you get this note
i shall be gone for i have
'found myself and
i will be gone shortly

i rush to the hospital
he is not there
having gone missing
thursday night

the police and searchers
comb the woods
and check all hotels and
bus stations homeless camps
bars etc etc

i show them the note
they wonder why
it is torn at the bottom
they look at me
darkly suspiciously

they confiscate it

but later i find
the torn off section
secreted in the crevice
of my car door

it says
as an expression
of my gratitude
i will be back for you
JMS 1 
with a ace of diamonds
torn in half

when the police
ask me if i found
anything else i lie
about this note

i lie
and i sleep
in my lies

my wife says
if i feel like
you're starting to carry
you patients in your head
and they can't get out
of your head i might have
to leave you

and i sleep
and then wake up
see new cases and pretend
any patient is out
of my head out of sight
out of mind

i look
at the ace of diamonds
and avoid reflections
when i do so

Poem - Anchor Point

anchor point
a dream with no regrets

a desire
you notice but do not break

as soon as
you stop looking outside

you start becoming


*

Poem - The Patient 4 & 5

4

in the middle of the night
i dream of the patient
my wife wakes me up
you're arguing with someone
and talking and talking
about time and ladders
stop stop

i wonder if i might meet
myself older or younger
and both of us not have
any idea who is who

you should take
some time off you never do
says my wife
your patients
be just fine and as 
crazy as ever when you
get back

i wonder who is
loonier and who is sane
i say half joking

that settles it
she says you're going
on vacation
to the lake house 
start packing 

*

before we leave
i let my secretary go
because i discover he is right

5

when we are at the lake house
the phone will ring sometimes a long time
because there is no answering machine

but when i go to answer it
the line goes dead

the phone never rings
at the same time of day

the phone never rings
for the same amount of time

kids crank calling
i tell my wife
convinced it is
something else

she unplugs the phone
and we light the lanterns
the lake is black
and huge

out over it are a few
bobbing lights

Poem - The Patient 3

3

a quantum dislocation
is going to occur
he tells me as he looks
out the window

we don't know why
but this universe at some point
splits into two branches

one branch discovers 
that the shift
has occurred the other
has no idea it happened

it may have happened
by now he says it is hard to tell

we may be in the one that knows
it happened we shall see

persons found that neighbors
and people they hated
for many years 
were in fact themselves
due to accidental
time travel from one universe
to the next

he laughs a great deal
at that

then he writes in a journal
for a long time without talking
then remembers me

sorry he says
i have to stay organized

*

when i am
dropping him off at the
hospital he looked at me frankly
thank you for being
so kind and listening
i know you don't believe me

he looked at the single light
shining harshly over the entrance
i'll see if i can
come back for you

look for a sign

Poem - Beuna Vista Dr

we took a old threadbare blanket
as a stack of encyclopedias

and it was a fort
under attack from indians

or we were pirates
taking the brady bunch hostage

and sailing to the rescue
at gilligan's isalnd

i was gi joe
with kung fu grip

you were black bart
with a white hat

we fought over
an old american flag

you took it home
i cried

Poem - The Patient 1 & 2

1.

he can see the past in mirrors
so he avoids looking into them

he says i am not a voyeur by the way
i see in that reflected chrome on the desk
sometimes your secretary has sex
in here when you are out

remember: nothing is as it seems
he smiles at me sadly

he documents his movements precisely
so his future self will rescue him
with a quantum ladder

yes he says  multidimensional aliens that look
like flowing paint and swatches of light
are coming to destroy the earth 
in 2022


2.

he carries a small tablet sized
erasable white board
and a black dry erase marker
when we go walking to get some air

i put a string on the marker
so i don't drop it
he says

whenever we see a news van
or security camera he quickly
writes the date, time and a message
to his future self

7.17.14 AM PST
40.7127° N, 74.0059° W
FOR GODS SAKE JOHN MARKEN SHIPLEY THIS IS 
JOHN MARKEN SHIPLEY 47 YEARS OLD NOW
BORN JULY 11 1967
37.3000° N, 120.4833° W

i wish i could calculate this
in relation to the galactic center
he muses with a sad smile
possibly someday it would help

i'm like finding me
in a quantum haystack 
but i know i promised to keep
looking he assures me

i want to ask him
how do you know you'd keep
looking?
but i refrain

Poem - we'll be cowboys / for sure

we learn how to draw
space ships in 1973

these craft are
like from the 1950s

spidery struts
and circular orbs

lozenges hold
liquid propellant

the sides marked
ever so by huge fins

silver with a USA
and a star

we'll be cowboys
for sure

out there

in the asteroids
and mars


_

then
1973

Poem - i have nothing / on my mind

i have nothing
on my mind

i am a pencil
and you are paper


))

Poem - in vivid denial for what they do

wasters should be filled with shame
paradoxically they are generous

like a wreckers great yellow
fire on a foggy beach

in vivid denial for what they do
utterly forsaking

after the comforting sight or sign
once embraced


**

Poem - There's no way to hold onto anything / good or bad

I think about you all the time

Everytime I think about you
it wears away a little bit at the memory itself

Because you are no longer here
the recollections are not replaced with new ones

So you are finite now

I keep remembering you
and eventually there will be nothing left

Like how ice melts into water

Then the water evaporates too

Sad about this, then giddy
how someday I won't even know you were here

By remembering
I am gradually eroding whatever ghost remains

Every trace of you is gone

I'll have that in my head too

There's no way to hold onto anything
good or bad



--

San Jose / Oakland
July 11 2014

Poem - st. francis never pays / never tips

st francis never pays
never tips
and never asks for anything
you don't want to give

try taking him
to breakfast or brunch
what do you think he
orders?

*
HB
July 3 2014

Poem - having no more / to ask for

for a year lived in fear and anger
being incapable of letting go
then just self pity of the revolting secret kind

the kind of sadness that one does not admit
and
instead tries to overcome through austerities
of the brutal kind bowing bowing bowing

a second year of inner nonsense
of hate of hurt of confusion
being incapable of letting go
more austerities more bowing
endless mantra

    let go
    let go
    let go

third year filled out papers
moved apartments
getting out of anger

hear the machinist next door
grinding rails

walk to the ocean
having no more

to ask for


++

HB
2014
July

Poem - like a star twinkles / and can't be sullied

standing in your gracious bathroom
or gracious house or gracious party
existing

like you are dressed by invisible hands
food magically appears of endless
varieties

i think of heads on coins or a ships prow
the figure that serenely braved any
calamity

looking out with a smile
beyond men and gods

like a star twinkles
and can't be sullied



.