this kind of endless/ bliss

this kind of endless

bliss 

easily found because it 

is

every mental target and

mind

naturally resolved in

itself

__

https://twitter.com/Acanthotelson

i don't know what i can get

don't know what i can get

we all start off that way 

in fields of perceptions

some shady others hot 

what of my adornments

serious achievements 

enhancing every vista

these revelations gush 

flooded of our youth 

great play waves and 

cascades of effort sly

or outright theft

the show settles down

with a sense of release

even ridiculousness

in there a vigilant will

how beautiful is the day

always was forever 

how beautiful the night 

never saw it til now

there's many a broken toy

in my front room and yard

puppet strings snapped

deus ex machina

worn down to just brass

*

i try to find my father in other people

i try to find my father in other people

especially the ones that are interesting and unavailable

and i did not fully understand how this worked

because i liked the idea of finding in other people

my father 

an animated man full of secrets and industry

possessing a shifting guarded inner sovereignty

as if his heart was a forge and mind like a hammer

making work for god or those even beyond

i was coveted yet ignored

burned by some of the sparks

these marks made me feel elevated and proud

but the space he thrived in is gone

the place he hid in cremated

endless days now sunshine and manicured grass

walking down the path after a hundred or so

his white stone 

i'm begging off now from my ideas and plans

any form or formulation of my father

letting all matters to come rest 

because ideas and wants are unattainable

everything is equal 

  can come to a stay

at ease naturally without this play

__

for my father and G.K.

a birthday coming soon

a birthday coming soon

i don't know what to say 

i'll be sad if alone yet 

i am alone in my head

been that way for years

moved around too much 

because of kids and jobs

then there's the martyr 

always interesting to be

what can we say of this day

how did you or i introduce it

did we give it gifts or kind words

and make room for everything

coming and going without rancor

or was it another pantomime

a production proclaiming us 

while others are seen captive

witnesses only to watch 

please hold your applause 

a birthday coming soon

i can give the notion up

of being completed or divided

based on what i've thought

or anything i dared to dream

by recognizing the time 

the rest was shaving in the mirror

being here is the highest thing 

*

July 8, 2021