i try to find my father in other people

i try to find my father in other people

especially the ones that are interesting and unavailable

and i did not fully understand how this worked

because i liked the idea of finding in other people

my father 

an animated man full of secrets and industry

possessing a shifting guarded inner sovereignty

as if his heart was a forge and mind like a hammer

making work for god or those even beyond

i was coveted yet ignored

burned by some of the sparks

these marks made me feel elevated and proud

but the space he thrived in is gone

the place he hid in cremated

endless days now sunshine and manicured grass

walking down the path after a hundred or so

his white stone 

i'm begging off now from my ideas and plans

any form or formulation of my father

letting all matters to come rest 

because ideas and wants are unattainable

everything is equal 

  can come to a stay

at ease naturally without this play

__

for my father and G.K.