this kind of endless/ bliss

this kind of endless

bliss 

easily found because it 

is

every mental target and

mind

naturally resolved in

itself

__

https://twitter.com/Acanthotelson

i don't know what i can get

don't know what i can get

we all start off that way 

in fields of perceptions

some shady others hot 

what of my adornments

serious achievements 

enhancing every vista

these revelations gush 

flooded of our youth 

great play waves and 

cascades of effort sly

or outright theft

the show settles down

with a sense of release

even ridiculousness

in there a vigilant will

how beautiful is the day

always was forever 

how beautiful the night 

never saw it til now

there's many a broken toy

in my front room and yard

puppet strings snapped

deus ex machina

worn down to just brass

*

i try to find my father in other people

i try to find my father in other people

especially the ones that are interesting and unavailable

and i did not fully understand how this worked

because i liked the idea of finding in other people

my father 

an animated man full of secrets and industry

possessing a shifting guarded inner sovereignty

as if his heart was a forge and mind like a hammer

making work for god or those even beyond

i was coveted yet ignored

burned by some of the sparks

these marks made me feel elevated and proud

but the space he thrived in is gone

the place he hid in cremated

endless days now sunshine and manicured grass

walking down the path after a hundred or so

his white stone 

i'm begging off now from my ideas and plans

any form or formulation of my father

letting all matters to come rest 

because ideas and wants are unattainable

everything is equal 

  can come to a stay

at ease naturally without this play

__

for my father and G.K.

a birthday coming soon

a birthday coming soon

i don't know what to say 

i'll be sad if alone yet 

i am alone in my head

been that way for years

moved around too much 

because of kids and jobs

then there's the martyr 

always interesting to be

what can we say of this day

how did you or i introduce it

did we give it gifts or kind words

and make room for everything

coming and going without rancor

or was it another pantomime

a production proclaiming us 

while others are seen captive

witnesses only to watch 

please hold your applause 

a birthday coming soon

i can give the notion up

of being completed or divided

based on what i've thought

or anything i dared to dream

by recognizing the time 

the rest was shaving in the mirror

being here is the highest thing 

*

July 8, 2021

that thinking does not sum or solve / everything

at eight i mow the lawn

it is past dusk just into night 

the push mower rasps 

i should sharpen the blades

but i do not know how

so i go on like with other things

in my life that could bear 

closer attention yet i decline

it makes it harder any task

makes me wonder now 

in the deepening dark if

i am frankly lazy or a coward

or a mix of both and what then

what is me like this living poorly

in my own head and soul

but i take courage by seeing 

how my work progresses 

the cuts are sound and i am glad

that thinking cannot sum or solve 

every thing

***

St Louis Park

A Party

had something wise to say then i forgot what it was
which is wise

waiting for you to come home soon the evening

getting started

the neighbors have been having a backyard party

they waved

but do not invite me over so i smile at them

i wave back

over the hours the party becomes louder

more intense 

feelings and some of the people fall back

lay on the grass

others are hopping up and down arms rigid

and chests out 

the games are all played and there's some

embarrassment as some leave

the few that remain do a sunburned pantomime

appear to be in a play

it takes me back 

as i hear your car pull up 

*

A Germ of an Idea

FROM JAIL,

Once you start getting arrested, it can be the thing that you keep getting arrested more. It becomes hard to not be continuously arrested. I mean, that is what I am saying. Or what I mean.

I'm an arsonist, and I burn down outhouses. Always knock first -- if someone is in the outhouse, I go to another unoccupied one. 

Sometimes I blow outhouses up, thus my getting arrested. Seems the cops especially don't like that. Or the community. 

It was a germ of idea, it was funny, imagining an outhouse burning. Or exploding in rockets of flames. I thought about it for YEARS.

All those years I kept it to myself, and I'd laugh or chuckle, and sometimes and my neighbors thought I was mirthful. And I was, but they thought it was for life or the weather or having a sunny disposition that I do have as well. 

I volunteered, I was on the village fire brigade, I ran for town mayor, I attended church and gave to charity. I raised three beautiful kids and my wife left me for the dentist in the next town over when the kids were out of the house.

And I burned HIS -- the dentist's outhouse -- down, first. 

**

Poem - The Patient 12

12

and like that

i see John Shipley

sitting in the bright sun

on the side of the road

on battered suitcase

when i get to him

he smiles 

a little sunburned

i'm sorry for any shocks

or surprises 

things happened very quickly

and i was moving

behind the scenes

pulling quantum strings

a fix or two to the 

continuum? we will see

he looks a bit

abashed then 

smiles again 

but you are doing

fine from what i 

see and i think from

what i know now

you will be 

absolutely ok 

he stands and

opens his arms

to the sky and

the whole world

we're men

who both have

everything and 

we know it 

he gives me 

an irresistible smile

how rare is that?

take care and

goodbye you're 

safe 

enjoy everything

that is to come

and before i can

protest or ask all

my questions he 

hands me the torn

ace then 

a quick embrace

a car pulls up

and he gets in

with the case

waves

and disappears

down the road

*

as the wind

picked up 

me standing there

i let the card go

watched it fly

into the sky 

until i could see it

then suddenly not

then i said a prayer

a heartfelt prayer 

for everyone i 

ever knew or hoped to know

everywhere they have been

and everywhere they might be

***

Poem - The Patient 11

11

we stay
at the lake 

the phone

does not ring

you seem younger

and then older

then younger again

at times when

you don't think i see you

tragic

and also beautiful

we are under a sky

with no limit of stars

at night

Poem - The Patient 10

10

we meet 

at a park 

it is almost dusk

i thought i was

ready 

but i see your face

contorted with 

guilt and regret

it comes as a

terrible shock

the way we

hurt and wound

each other

in the pursuit

of happiness

you 

say how

sorry you are 

over and over again

sorry sorry

so sorry

in the background

i see someone

i ask 

is he following you?

you turn

and when you 

see him

you clasp your arms

together holding

yourself tightly

and scream

go away!

go away!

as you do this

i touch your

shoulder and

you startle

we leave

together and

don't look back

later you 

cry and i hold you

i watch the 

light of the streetlamp

flowing over

slips of paper

tossed shoes clothes

books and a hat

=

i dance on the edge of a cliff

i dance on the edge of a cliff
then sit down without looking

*

nature with great huge soft hands

grinding mountains into dust 

---

for Chung Tzu

here is a door/ from the house

for my daughter phoebe lee

here is a door

from the house

sturdy maple

from 1925

glass nob 

intact

covered 

front & back 

with your thoughts

and dreams

stickers notes

warnings and exhortations

LITTLE BROTHERS 

STAY OUT

*

you are 

far away 

doing well

in college

the door 

became my desk

first by

accident

later by

choice

*

reminds me now

of every day

how it can

get away 

and how special

our time is

people

come and go

we become

separated but

we can 

become grateful 

learn new things

even transform

always love

----

St Louis Park

Spring 2021

the last spring snow

the last spring snow
reminds me of ghostly things

scattered flakes 
dancing then gone

having no body yet
present by being, hardly 

--

St Louis Park

4/19/21

for digital spyglasses staring/ at digital snow

says rain and more rain

but there's no rain outside

just an electronic report 

later when it does rain

online says there's no rain outside

another bulletin and error

we say the googles and amazons 

are always right but accept

from them endless nonsense

reject natural wisdom that springs forth 

for digital spyglasses staring

at digital snow

**

SLP

4.7.21

i miss where it stands

it rains on the tree that fell over

part of a stump 

the rest of the branches trimmed

in another part of the yard

when we moved in 

the tree was dead for many years

wood smooth all the bark 

worn away 

the previous owner 

had trimmed off the longest branches

but for some reason left

the rest of the tree be

i imagined for two years

putting in bright little bird houses

or festive lights to spruce it up

have an illusion of new life

after it fell

i found out the tree

was rotten at the base 

and terribly heavy

i miss where it stands

---

SLP

4.7.21

buddha size of my mouth

buddha size of my mouth

buddha the size of my brain

buddha outside too 

morning snow melted

--

today it rains

today it rains

buddha in my mouth

by my teeth 

buddha on your arm

*

fine fine fine

i have no courage 

have no superstition

live in faith

all my beliefs 

emerge from 

direct experience

thus i am brave

every idea of mine

such a fine thing

such a fine fine thing

fine fine fine

a buddha is home/ you think you are away

 a buddha is home
you think you are away 
or the other is away
never not at home

**

a buddha / is not walking softly

a buddha
is not walking softly
or heavily 
in your head

88