some people i never stop thinking about

some people i never stop thinking about
like you & me then one day i forgot to remember
and i was and flew free like dandelion fluff




****

raindrops fall

raindrops fall
every one a worry

before as a child
each was a new joy

how the mind wanders
in a land of nothing

still i'm grateful
for each drop

resolve in this
to happier time

even grace

which is possible
if you decide



+

thoughts are the counterfeit bills of the mind

thoughts are the counterfeit bills of the mind

consciousness passing as much as it thinks

to give weight or credence to every fantasy

attaching valuation to what is brilliant space




**

every language is meant to be forgotten

every language is meant to be forgotten
once true contact is made

from words to inside the moment
on the feelings so fleeting

evening expansive night stars
swaying lanterns lit we are all family

then back to language as we must go
au revoir e saúdinha so long



**

reduce the words

reduce the words
until just the
outline remains
of fleeting memory
so it haunts
the letters


reduce
until the
outline
of memory
haunts
the letters


reduce
until
memory
haunts
letters


****

i am willing to subvert my mind with the deadliest of all poisons

i am willing to subvert my mind with the deadliest of all poisons
 a little bit everyday by reading the news

it does me no good but when you are dying of grasping and aversion
  you come to crave what is excoriating the soul


***

i go outside and meet my neighbor a rabbit

i go outside and meet my neighbor a rabbit
rabbit is rabbit all the time and is here just so
i am human & often other places in my mind

sitting in the grass he regards me as
i lay my hand on the gate and the rabbit is gone
soon i am too for my job down the road

rabbit doesn't have a name and neither do i
rabbit doesn't have a job and neither do i
i see rabbit and rabbit sees me



***

i pray to the flying buddhas

i pray to the flying buddhas

they look like jets

i pray to the jumping buddhas

they look like rabbits

i pray to the buddhas in every 

disguise they take on

even if a buddha answers to be

a bus driver or a bodhisattva

****

endlessly

approaching the second fathers day without my dad
i feel like a house half moved out of now moved out to 2/3

this is all i have i want more so i make more in my head
with planes in the afternoon soaring overhead through beautiful clouds

with sunshine on the clouds and on the planes beautifully shining
i am ignoring far flung gorgeousness with my rigorous denial of possibilities

me focusing on me and on my loss and my story not turning out the way i wanted
and not accepting loss which is not actually loss but is change

loss not being loss but discovery and evidence of the endless regeneration of the universe
that will seemingly bring us together and take us away but will also bring us together again

endlessly


***

Photo by Deborah Carmichael © 2019

go beyond everything

go beyond everything
even mind questioning
but how when
what does that mean?

even beyond this



**

every notion/ and prayer

every notion
and prayer

above us
below us

like sky
into water

reeds into
air

on my knees
i can see

how earth
sky meet



***

how many stars are in me?

how many stars are in me?
one million? a hundred million? a million million?
and i am unhappy about what someone said
or i choose to be pained by this day


**

is heart very far away?

is heart very far away?

no. only so far as me





-----

i'm a jigsaw puzzle / atoms from that star

i'm a jigsaw puzzle
atoms from that star
dust from another
pinch of that quasar
a handful of 1,000 others

god remembers all of them
plus remembers the beings
flora and fauna that basked
in those stars' light
each one every one

i'm built from minute
portions of all best hopes
dreams visions joys
desires that span great
gulfs of time be in me
and in you why we love

eye continues to delight
in new light breath
beneath a sky that seems
inexhaustible as beautiful
as it was before
and will always be

there's nothing common
to anything seen
to anything felt
to anything heard
or anything sacrificed
anything gained

nothing can be lost
everything starts again
each day contains
kaleidoscopes of
every noble urge
ready to be cherished


------

pick bicycle/ and be happy

pick bicycle
and be happy

ride with
your arms out

laugh ride
fly



----

spring
2019

i was thinking about you the other day

i was thinking about you the other day
how i thought i knew you and appreciated you
but i see that i was just assuming everything
because i miss you so much

your memory is tiny and excruciatingly bright
getting smaller and smaller every time i try
to make it big like a cathedral or a stupa
because i miss you so much

you would forbid me to go on with this
you'd laugh and say 'go make new friends' or 'keep having life'
it is what i would say to you if the roles were reverse
because i miss you so much


&&&

there is nothing like what i do

there is nothing like what i do
if i perform in a way intended
beyond any action or thought
like we admire light in the sky on clouds
or a bright lone star you cannot touch




@@@

noon

then i have no strength
thinking i am an idiot so are you
you can't stop me as well
i can't stop you but simply watch
as you do whatever you do
with hopefully the same compassion
i'd give myself

dazed i am in my ignorance
stunned i am in my presumption
insensible have i become in my views

night is here and
the garden is magnificent every songbird
and cricket and star put me in my place
everything i reasoned before was tired
and tied to whatever regular thinking
i could muster which becomes
totally exhausted

the mania of the mind a ruler broken
but still will resolve to measure a lens
distorted will propose a perfect open survey

finding resolve then
as a knowledgeable fool by
admission of my own plans mislaid
and not escaping identification nor
gathering you and saying you are so
then compassion is complete
the key found


***

i sailed a few times

i sailed a few times
these times have stayed with me
echoing over the rest of my life
goes to show anything i thought i wanted
strove for didn't matter to the guile and beguiling
underconciousness or primeval river


**


april 26

then other times

the time of death
is just a start of a new life

for you and for me
because i believe you are somewhere

like in a pureland
on a very nice tower w/ all your love

seeing me here
below your heart never forgetting

every little thing
and everything is no longer ordinary

*

then other times
the door is ajar the vista is empty

all paths lead up
you are nowhere and so am i

*

spring rain
wide fields and sky

here is my pulse
my eyes

my lasting memories
of you


***

for my father
4.22.19