Cursing

I kept waiting. When you didn't show up, I cursed you like a pirate. I was full of lustful curses. I was pathetically cursing, all alone. Being alone encouraged me to curse. I cursed long and cursingly, because it was absolutely futile to curse. I cursed because nothing was wrong. I cursed because everything was right. I cursed because I belonged where I was cursing you, and you belonged where I was cursing you. I cursed like a baby, a spoiled brat, an idiot, a fool, a troubled young man, a zealot; I cursed like someone who can't appreciate anything. I cursed because I was cursing. I cursed because it didn't help cursing, and I knew it. I cursed until all cursing was out of me. Then I had a beer and felt sorry for myself. Then I pulled my shit together and I was basically okay. I had shit to take care of in this big, beautiful, stainlessly clean world. But I have no freinds. Oh, fuck, I know that isn't true. How my freinds (and loved ones) put up with me, I do not know. I do not fucking know.