Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Poem - something is wrong when the toilet will not shut off


something is wrong when the toilet will not shut off
something is wrong when the toilet roars like a lion


etwas ist unrecht wenn die toilette nicht etwas ist
unrecht abstellt wenn die toilette wie ein löwe brüllt


qualcosa è torto quando la toletta non spegnerà
qualcosa è torto quando la toletta rugge come un leone


algo é erro quando o toalete não cortará algo é erro
quando o toalete ruje como um leão


что-то неправда когда туалет не отключит что-то
неправда когда туалет взревет как львев


기술을 가진 이 생활의 신비는 신비 결코 정지하지 않
을 것이다

Great Sex Ever on a Boat

They came into the room shouting about how they just had great sex!!! The best sex they had, on the Boat, because the Boat was so comfortable. I didn't know about the Boat. I didn't know they had sex. I didn't want to know about the Boat, or about them having sex, or how it was the best sex, ever, on the Boat. She sat down, or rather piratically laid on the couch, spreading her legs like a man. He wanted to play cards.

I told them hell is other people. They laughed.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Poem - he will sit by the bank of the river

he loves
joan rivers
the 14th century
twist ties and
peanut butter

he thinks about
the upanishads
modern air conditioning
and jack phelps

he sees
the music of the spheres
HD tv
clicking balls with bells in them
fingers ticking the ivory

his dreams
will be just like reality

his hopes
are interchangeable with his fears

he will sit by the bank of the river
in his head

and wait for the body
of his enemy to go floating by


I kept waiting. When you didn't show up, I cursed you like a pirate. I was full of lustful curses. I was pathetically cursing, all alone. Being alone encouraged me to curse. I cursed long and cursingly, because it was absolutely futile to curse. I cursed because nothing was wrong. I cursed because everything was right. I cursed because I belonged where I was cursing you, and you belonged where I was cursing you. I cursed like a baby, a spoiled brat, an idiot, a fool, a troubled young man, a zealot; I cursed like someone who can't appreciate anything. I cursed because I was cursing. I cursed because it didn't help cursing, and I knew it. I cursed until all cursing was out of me. Then I had a beer and felt sorry for myself. Then I pulled my shit together and I was basically okay. I had shit to take care of in this big, beautiful, stainlessly clean world. But I have no freinds. Oh, fuck, I know that isn't true. How my freinds (and loved ones) put up with me, I do not know. I do not fucking know.

Friday, August 08, 2008


I posted a new entry over at THINGS DON'T WORK, about SWAT teams going nuts at the wrong place, at the wrong time. Happens all the time. It would be funny, but usually pets (and people) get killed. This time it was the Mayor of Berwyn Heights, MD that almost got blown up. Oh, the SWAT team shot his dogs, for fun, and made his mother lay in the blood.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

What I Saw While Sitting on the Steps of the Chicago Art Insitute One Afternoon for Several Hours on a Breezy Day

- tattered tourists
- fantastic tourists
- lost tourists
- found tourists
- cell phone gabbing tourists
- tourists who shouldn't be wearing what they are wearing (yes, that kind of tourist)
- upset looking tourists
- incredulous tourists
- snapping pictures of things that are above 5 stories or more tourists
- "rebel" tourists
- "young" tourists
- "old" tourists
- hooker tourists!
- pointing tourists
- advice mongering tourists
- tourists showing their cleavage in other tourist's faces
- tourists in big bug-eyed sunglasses
- tourists with babies
- babies with tourists
- parents unsuccessfully wrangling toddlers, even though it isn't that hard tourists
- tourists wondering what i am doing
- determined tourists
- tourists with foldable chairs, tables, bikes, sunshades, beer, metal detectors
- tourists that sit too close to other tourists
- grinning ebullient tourists on rental scooters (please o lord, let them not be killed)
- honking tourists
- joking tourists
- a barefoot tourist!
- partially clothed tourist
- the "hey, how are ya doing?" tourist
- the "yeah! yeah!" tourist
- clapping tourists
- shorty short-short spank me now tourist

Saturday, August 02, 2008

you will not recognize/ the holy man

you will not recognize
the holy man

you will think he is
a dishwasher
or a peon or
a homeless person

because of this
you will find him
offensively unattractive

no obvious merits
will come to your mind
when you look at him

you will behave badly
around the holy man

you will be prone
to exaggeration
because he irritates you

you will completely
reveal yourself to
him in this way

all petty faults
you want to keep secret
things about you
that no one should know

and when you do
finally recognize
the holy man

it will be profoundly
humbling and

you'll feel shattered
the holy man
will smile

he'll never hold it
against you
it was all you
not him

suddenly everything
will be alright

you'll look upon him
with great devotion

but he'll tease you
about it from time
to time