Poem - to conclusion and a kind of absolution

to Gary Timmons

with about an hour
before i meet with my attorneys
i go to st. peter's church
on west madison street

after more than 15 years
i sit in on a mass & watch
the ceremony and remember back
on all those sundays in the past
always going to church
and saying prayers but really waiting
to get out & play the whole day

now i have all my responsibilities
being a reluctant grown up
so i'm not praying with the idea soon
the service will be done
like i always did before
i don't want it to end when it does

as the service lasts i look
in the varied crowd of worshippers
i see the pretty lady secretaries and attorneys
a few quite close to me and i wonder
how seeming now
pious meek and devout so still
what would it be like to meet someone
who goes to mass on their lunch break
just before christmas

there is no judgment here but
these girls are as amazing and exotic to me
as if they came from another world
when the eucharist is consecrated
and the people go up i quietly leave

i confess i wanted to be this devout
unselfish
not taken up by pretty things
i tried to be this way when i was younger
but it wouldn't last

the break the separation
it does not mean i do not love god
it does not confirm i have lack of faith

all my faith was like a guide
unto a whole wide world
conducting me out of braced morality
into the embrace of the almighty
blessings
beyond temporary earthy beings

some saints and believers understand
what i am talking about and i still
wonder
as the magic of the mass glides
to conclusion and a kind of absolution