Advice to Time Travelers: How to Build a Time Machine

Dear Cyril,

I'm sorry to say, contrary to the opinions of advanced scientific disciplines & theorists, it is surprisingly easy to build a time machine -- even when using only common household objects. What a person requires is the simple directions, that is all. There is ample proof to back this up, even casual cultural references: The movie Napoleon Dynamite demonstrated a TM, albeit in a tongue-in-cheek way. So let us not worry about if a time machine can be constructed.

The problem lies not in the refinement of any time-traveling device, but in the infinite time-space repercussions of either having a functional time machine, or in the irresponsibility that arises out of using it. Some of these paradoxes can be researched and found over the internet, through the Time Traveler's Home-Brew & Mercado, or in the parking lot of the Dunkin Donuts at 34th and Ash Avenues, in Escondido, Ca. More should not be said about this, save stay away from Phase-Coil back-scatterers: Ruben McKenninck!

The main point to consider is this: Why do you want to build a time machine? What is your intention to travel forward, or backwards, in time? If you have not carefully considered this -- or you cannot be truthful -- then it is definitely a great risk for yourself and your mind to use any time machine, even the joke ones.

Lastly: Please don't be the sort of idiot who goes to the trouble to making a time machine, and then asks people, where should I go, what should I do, what is 'the most fun area in time for you', how do I return back if my machine gets broken, etc.

Regards,

Potts Baily

Chung Tzu Tells Me to Get Back to Work

"You can only peel a banana once!" I say to Chung Tzu. He does not look up. I go back to work.

"If you put a pot in water long enough, it rusts inside and outside!" I say to Chung Tzu. He does not look up. I go back to work.

"George Washington wasn't the only general who crossed the Delaware!" I say to Chung Tzu. He still does not look up. I go back to work.

Later, when I'm about to say something wise to Chung Tzu, he jumps up and presses his finger against my forehead, inexorably pushing so I fall off my chair and I'm just about pinned to the floor.

"Ouch!" I say, rubbing my forehead when he lets up. "Why did you do that?"

"Oh, it was nothing, I guess. Get back to work."

Chung Tzu on Reading

"I read someone complaining, in a book, that the middle-ages in Western History are suspiciously under-documented." I say to Chung Tzu.

"Well, don't read everything you read." says Chung Tzu.

Chung Tzu: AH HA!

It is blazing hot in Newport Beach, Joe Stalin comes in. He violently dumps a canvas bag, hat, and umbrella on the threshold. A red plastic toy shovel bounces off the closet. Masses of sand and flecks of leaves scatter all over the place.

"The UNIVERSE is ENDING!" he yells dramatically.

I look at Chung Tzu, who is reading the Commentary Section of the Orange County Register. Joe Stalin marches past us, into the kitchen, to the fridge.

"ALL HISTORY IS OVER!" proclaims Joe Stalin, as he opens the fridge.

I look at Chung Tzu, and he is still reading the Commentary Section of the Orange County Register -- but now I see the newspaper is upside-down.

"GOD IS DEAD!" shouts Joe Stalin, pouring himself some iced-tea, with a slice of fresh lemon.

I look at Chung Tzu, he is still reading the Commentary Section of the Orange County Register -- but now I see the newspaper is inside-out.

"I set up Phoebe's bunk bed in the loft! She really likes it." I suggest to both of them.

"AH HA!!!" explains Chung Tzu, flinging the newspaper high into the air.

Poem - 8.25.2011

i heard like a single violin
the note warbled

it could have been my heart
but the instrument played on

i did not give up nor did
i gain strength from this life

i can smile and say it hurt
it will never stop hurting

acceptance removes the heat
from the fire

-------

8.25.2011

Chung Tzu Teaches Me How to Sail

"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" yells Chung Tzu.
I spill my coffee all over my computer keyboard.

"LUFF UP AND LOOK LIVELY!" yells Chung Tzu.
I knock over my notes, scattering them all over the floor.

"BEAR AWAY!!!" bellows Chung Tzu.
I run into the door, forgetting which side of it is the open one.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!" I scream at him.
"Teaching you how to sail!" says Chung Tzu.

Poem - 8.14.11

i dream of a big tree
one side of it is green
the other side of it is dead

but there is no tree
and no death, only gifts refused
and sentiment rejected

oh tree i sit below you
in the dream and i fail in
meditation even in dreams

oh hard luck fellow
weary traveler who has no need
to look and find

poor son of a bitch
selfish to a fault who prays
at the same time for all happiness

in the dream i pray
for new horizons seeing moon
and stars go up and fail

there is something
in the embrace of soft deep night
with new dew ticking away

just before dawn
i wake up & take courage
from what i have;

now
cannot be banished
or dreamed away


8.14.11

Poem - like the moon or the sun

i'm here
and everything gets done
because i stay out of the way
but everyone who is invested
can see and talk to me
as much as they want &
like to the moon or the sun

it isn't hard
to listen and then shine
light there or here or with
total nondiscrimination overall
& let the god in the viewer
ponder and sort it out after
i tried and now i listen