Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Advice to Time Travelers: How to Build a Time Machine

Dear Cyril,

I'm sorry to say, contrary to the opinions of advanced scientific disciplines & theorists, it is surprisingly easy to build a time machine -- even when using only common household objects. What a person requires is the simple directions, that is all. There is ample proof to back this up, even casual cultural references: The movie Napoleon Dynamite demonstrated a TM, albeit in a tongue-in-cheek way. So let us not worry about if a time machine can be constructed.

The problem lies not in the refinement of any time-traveling device, but in the infinite time-space repercussions of either having a functional time machine, or in the irresponsibility that arises out of using it. Some of these paradoxes can be researched and found over the internet, through the Time Traveler's Home-Brew & Mercado, or in the parking lot of the Dunkin Donuts at 34th and Ash Avenues, in Escondido, Ca. More should not be said about this, save stay away from Phase-Coil back-scatterers: Ruben McKenninck!

The main point to consider is this: Why do you want to build a time machine? What is your intention to travel forward, or backwards, in time? If you have not carefully considered this -- or you cannot be truthful -- then it is definitely a great risk for yourself and your mind to use any time machine, even the joke ones.

Lastly: Please don't be the sort of idiot who goes to the trouble to making a time machine, and then asks people, where should I go, what should I do, what is 'the most fun area in time for you', how do I return back if my machine gets broken, etc.

Regards,

Potts Baily

2 comments:

The Rambling Taoist said...

My intent was to leave you a message BEFORE you wrote this post, but I set the wrong time coordinates on my TM and so I wound up here now. :(

CM said...

AHHHHHHH!!! Do you feel sane? Many people who use TMs complain of some (or none) of the following: Upset Stomach, Headache, Rash, Bleeding, Itching, Flashing Lights, Constipation, Animal Attack, or Mild Psychosis.