J. Pants Helps Me Get Over Things/ Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris/ Haircut

"It hurts dreadfully sometimes." I confess to J. Pants.

"It hurts dreadfully sometimes." mimics J. pants "Boo-hoo."

"What would Chuck Norris do?"

"What? Kick a hole in the wall, I guess."

"Sounds like Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. You, my friend, are an idiot."

"So what should I do to get over this?"

"Stop being a fucking pussy."

"Ha ha."

"I mean it. Goddamn miracle boy."


***

I go out and get a haircut. When I get back, J. Pants is still in the apartment.

"Nice haircut." says J. Pants.

"Thanks."

"You know what your fucking problem is? I know now."

"What?"

"You have too much spare time on your hands."

"Is that it?"

"Yes and no."

"I'll work on it."

"GHA HA HA HA HA!" laughs J. Pants.