Hole in One

I had a dream that God and Buddha were playing golf at Pelican Hill. They played with one bag, and I was the caddy.

Every time Buddha hit the ball, it would go where Buddha wanted it to go. Whenever God would hit the ball, he'd slice or get in a rough lie. God was very upset.

This kept on going for some time. God kept getting more and more upset.

"Why are you so much better than God at golf?" I asked Buddha.

Buddha looked at me, and smiled. "There is  no difference."

"So why is God not playing as well as you?"

"It is your impure vision."

Just then, God made a hole-in-one.

World Peace and Good Will Towards All People

Laguna Beach canyon. God, in passing, goes by in a red convertible with a beautiful blonde in the passenger seat. God gives me a wave of his hand.

*

Buddha is in the tree. Or I think he is in the tree. No -- not that tree, the other one.

*

Escondido, Rock Springs Road. I pick up St. Francis of Assisi, walking down a country road. The way is dangerous, too many cars. He does not seem to mind, looking over to the fields and the happy birds as he plods along singing a Psalm.

*

Buddha in another tree. No -- not that tree. The other one. See?

*

God is five rows over during Sunday 10 AM mass in Napa. He doesn't take communion.

I sidle over. "Why didn't you take communion?"

"Ha! You didn't, either."

"Who was the blonde?"

God looks at me over his reading glasses. "I've seen you all over the place. Laguna canyon, Napa, Irvine, Escondido. You certainly get around."

I decide to pray for world peace and good will towards all people.

Organizing a Day of Protest

"I'm organizing a day of protest." I say.

"Oh, you are? Against whom?" says God.

"You, of course!

"Oh! I see. That's nice!"

"Really? You're not offended?"

"No, no! I think this is wonderful."

"Organizing a protest against you, and you have no problem with this."

"Yes, fabulous."

"Why?"

"Why do you think?"

"I'm guessing, you like the concept of people getting out of their routines, meeting others, with something bigger than themselves in mind?"

"Something like that. I always find it is hopeful when people get out of their routines for a cause, and meet with others."

"So you think Hope is important?"

"I'm always Hopeful with you."

God Buys Me a BLT in Escondido

I go to a cafe in Escondido. I see God is there, standing in line.

"Let me buy you a sandwich." says God.

"OK." I reply.

We stand there, and God is humming to himself quietly.

"Can I pick the sandwich? I'd like --"

"No." says God.

He orders me a BLT and I don't want a BLT. We sit down at a booth in the window, it is a lovely morning. I drink a cup of coffee I carried in, and I resent God ordering a BLT for me, even though it looks delicious.

God starts eating.

"So how do you relate to Buddhism?" I ask God.

"Eat your BLT." says God.

I start eating my BLT, and I don't like how the bacon and mayonnaise are getting together with the bread.

"So where are you in the synthesis of Christianity?" I ask God.

"Keep eating." says God.

"But what about free will and human nature?"

"Oh..." says God, seeming to have a thought on his mind.

He pauses. I wait, holding half a BLT. A pretty girl comes into the cafe, and God watches her, smiling. She walks past us and I can't see her. Finally, I turn and look at what he's looking at. I expect to see the pretty girl, but she's vanished!

"Nevermind!" says God.