Poem - they know my name

they know my name
i don't know theirs
people have been talking

i never know
what the gossip is about

my fly is undone
my clothes are the same
i write all the time




*

Poem - i don't know if we are we sinners or are just lost / but i know that the path goes on and i'll walk it

i'm searching for something outside of myself
that can only be found on the inside

i am searching for it because i don't trust in god
or whatever i am supposed to trust in

i look of what cannot be found due to faithlessness
in the unfolding process that denies no one

so in writing this i am getting over myself
hopefully helping you if you've been where i am

but if i get stuck and you know what i mean
reaching out to a friend or acquaintance certainly helps

i don't know if we are we sinners or are just lost
but i know that the path goes on and i'll walk it

i'll say in the end it does not matter what we thought
only what we did in devotion towards each other


*

Poem - i laugh at my own jokes

i laugh at my own jokes
i even laugh when i write these lines

i'm not lonely but i'm sitting alone
with a window on the right

i have bookcases and my favorite books
that i can see by the window and i laugh
when i read the books

i have a perfect view
the outside world and the inner one

i should remember to let people in
so we can laugh together



*

Quote: Lenny Bruce - The Role of a Comedian

"The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds."

-- Lenny Bruce

Poem - I Know You Can Hear Me

-- to HFC

kitty i know you can hear me
even though you pretend i don't exist

as if you were in deep cosmic meditation
looking down at your curled paws
beyond all concern for food or petting
the clue that betrays your facade:

wherever i move in the room
your ears follow me
never stop tracking me

so i'll give you a can
of food and then a good scratch


---

10.13.14

Poem - in the end i see

in the end i see
we can either get religion
or become blasphemers

i hope that
as the path becomes narrower
the mind becomes broader

i have no idea
how i will feel when i am dying
but neither does a fly know

and a bug
has no worries for this
and lives a very good life as a bug


**

HB
10.10.14

Poem - looking at pictures / from 1999

looking at pictures
from 1999
we were younger then

at the time
it seemed brighter
the backgrounds look dark
like dipped in maple syrup

but this is my eyes
or the paper on the pictures
fossilizing


___

10.10.14

Poem - will sail on in my mind & be everywhere

me realizing i'll never be like others and
then i remember for some reason

my roommate bobby
was cool and he stole one
of my books and he listened to
'the velvet underground' all the time
with his good looking girlfriend anita

i can still see him and anita curled up
together on the couch drinking beer
reading these poems of r manley
in the first edition bobby asked
if he could peruse through

people come into my life
and then go and i see now that
when i thought someone was staying
they were already gone and when i knew
they were gone they were just showing up

so someday i might see bobby again with or
without the book i loaned him and i hope
i find out what happened to pretty anita
i do know that bobby will be cool
a bit sad now and heroic

and i'll never be cool like this
will sail on in my mind & be everywhere


***

Poem - Living out on Margarine Acres

i lived on a ranch in a rugged valley
i rented a room there

people died on the road all the time
and the owners

they kept loaded guns and shot
at any animal that didn't belong

it was a peaceful existence
they had a coffin pillow in the front room

i could walk for miles and miles
through hills and woods

there were skulls
of wild animals that died in the grass


**

Margarine Acres
"One of the Cheaper Spreads"
Bennett Valley, CA

Poem - and the seas still defy our imagination

on this day in history
columbus found an island in the bahamas

he was sure he had found
the far east he so sorely wished it

when he found cuba
he knew he was close to the island of japan

for the rest of his life
he was convinced he had found the indies

his only regret was
he hadn't enough lifetime to get to the capital

of china and the empire
stuffed with incalculable spices and gold

to be converted or overthrown
in the name of this crossed christian god

seas of time rolled
and the new world was cultivated

converted or overthrown
and the seas still defy our imagination


*

Poem - even smile / living on nothing

i remember you
and your pistol tatoos
in escondido

i hope you
aren't dead or
hurt or in jail

but you
never know

because escondido
was like last stop
before the desert

remarkable
creatures we are

how much
of a beating
we can take

remarkable
how one can
make it look
tolerable

even smile
living on nothing


*

10.07.14

Poem - boëthius was going / to reconcile / faith with reason

boëthius was going
to reconcile
faith and reason

conjungere rationem 
fidemque

they tightened
a rope around
his head

until his eyes
bulged out

and clubbed him
to death

but from 'the consolation
of philosophy'
we get the prayer

  let me accept the things
  i cannot change

  and the courage
  to change the things i can

  and the wisdom to know
  the difference

i can't tell
i know i never will

boëthius is
the moon half risen
i see tonight

wrapped in
sheet of fine linen

or paper that
dissolves in water






+


for Anicius Manlius Severinus Boëthius
 c. 480–524 or 525 AD

Poem - On Hearing of Snow in Chicago

i heard it snowed in chicago
just the other day

snow in october

here in southern california
just a spritz of rain would be welcome

i remember what it was like
when winter was coming to the midwest

one day you'd feel
a breath in the air of cold wind

the coldest wind you'll even meet

and you knew you'd feel
that frigid bright chill in february

but before then the leaves
would turn yellow and red

and you would be swimming in them

the falling leaves now are dusted in snow
glittering like confections at night

kids going to school in the morning

enjoy kicking through them
and the ice cracks like ladyfingers



---

HB
10.05.14

Poem - don't think about loss or gain

don't think about loss or gain
just do and avoid the trap of the old desires

if you are in action you've defied most expectations
even your own limited thinking


*

Quote: Charles Schulz - Winning vs. Losing

Charles Schulz said: "Most of us are much more acquainted with losing than we are with winning. Winning is great, but it isn't funny."



*

Poem - water

i found out that the water on earth
is older than the sun and so is ancient
beyond all estimations born in a sun
that died beyond the limits of whatever
meager time we can hope to manage

made i swim and drink and eat it
like a glint of the embers from the reflection of it
fire in my blood in froth and tide that rose
and fell here and on other worlds now vaporized
renewed thrown down risen up

the star in us each one of us down here
that has a trail that shoots into vast darkness
it could be that god is the star or the stars' star
or even beyond this i will never know
i will only see through a narrow window

not bound by earth or time we will migrate
to heaven to hell or yesterday or to tomorrow
the small view becomes greater through suffering
the view becomes broader with gain or loss
water is unchanged serene and beyond death


8

Poem - was blue just at sunset i'll never know

i'm sure jesus swam a few times in his life
i wonder if he knew when his last swim was swum

these kind of things i think about as i grow older
not much wiser but the mind roams wider and wider

if jesus ever daydreamed about the almighty
i wonder who that abba was and how did it feel

i wonder if jesus liked chocolate or if his favorite cloud
was blue just at sunset i'll never know


----

to Jesus

Poem - but only if given away entirely

why be right about suffering or heartbreak
or be the bearer of bad news

instead why not work in secret
so everyone wakes up to a new brought day

and no one even suspects
how you furnished it and at what expense

they can have it and so can you
but only if given away entirely



*

I Make up Stories

Like you, I make up stories about things than never happened, based off personal experience. But I don't have the discipline, or chutzpah, of a novelist. I should be the hero. I am not.

--

HB

I Read Widely

Like you, I read widely, and then I formulate opinions on things I know nothing about. But I have read about them.

_

HB

Poem - when any friend shows up / there is a celebration

your lips move when you read
only the most important things
like poetry or montaigne

you still have imaginary friends
at 47 years old and you are offended
when they don't stop by to play

but like montaigne or blake
they are old friends real or not

when any friend shows up
there is a celebration
in the real world


*

Poem - she said have no hope

she said have no hope
abandon it altogether

then you can be happy
and i see it is true

you can't explain it either
because being happy

with or without hope
is the rarest thing of all


--

HB
2014 .8

dedicated to Jñana

Poem - it is fortunate to be in love

i can write a poem and not tell you
i'll tape it to my sunshade
or inside a drawer and think of you

it is fortunate to be in love
and be totally anonymous

because you're unaffected by my feelings

this is a revolution in my thinking
to love and have no contact

i'm taking the longer view now

we are all doomed
to be separated



+

God Fans out the Cards

God fans out the cards. "Pick a card, any card."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're GOD! You can make those cards do anything you want."

"I won't cheat."

"You're GOD! Omnipotent beings can't cheat."

God sighs, but I can see he is very entertained. "You're not making this very easy. Please."

"OK."

God fans the cards. "Pick a card, any card."

I pick a card.

"Did I ever tell you the time, while I was making the Universe, when we got to the fourth day, and we had to decide how big to make the Sun, Moon and Stars?"

"You did a nice job. I like how big they are."

"Oh, well thanks. I wasn't asking for your approval."

"I was being agreeable."

"When I say the word "happy" -- what is the first thought that comes into your mind?"

"You."

"Good answer!"

"And the second thought?"

"Me."

"Even better! You're on a streak today."


***


9.15.14

1 Act Play: Columbus to the Navigator

NOON: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS AND CREW IN NEW WORLD



                                        CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS

                                 (Pointing to NAVIGATOR)
                    If you say "AH HA!" one more time, when I discover a new island -- I will pack you                           back to Spain in chains.


LATER


                                       LOOKOUT

                    Land ahoy!


                                        NAVIGATOR:

                   AH HA!!!


END

Another short story

When I think of a life hack, I think of someone hacking with a meat cleaver.


__

The captains short story written on a window in felt tip pen

In space I dont have to explain everything. or anything, I am the captain and I can shut off your air while you sleep.


____

USS Cynus
April 2099

Poem - i am broken / like the 3rd blue moon now in one day wane

i am broken
i will disappoint you
i will make you angry

i am broken
i will go out of my way to help you
i will never give up

i am broken
i will invent stories
i will tell the truth

i am broken
i will apologize for things not mine
i will take the blame of others

i am broken
i have great fear and great faith
i have determination and serenity

i am broken
i will feel sorry for you
i will feel sorry for me

i am broken
i will wake up every day like it is new
i will always choose to smile and not frown

*

i am broken
i treat you with respect
i treat my family with respect
i treat my enemies with respect
i treat the bugs with respect
i treat myself with respect


*

for Jñana



like the 3rd blue moon now in one day wane
i am silly i am old i am young i am new
i am foolish i am wise i know nothing i know everything
i am doomed i am perfect

Poem - To Robert Funge - down it goes / with a hundred things or more

bob funge is dead
but he lives in my mind
because there is a part of my consciousness
where there is no time

there will always be a place
in my soul and heart
where it is fine to drink
and a place where bob is working
at his desk on poetry

he'll be at the house
on elm street in san carlos
with the yard gone to hell
and the room where the drapes
gently fell apart

bob didn't care about clothes
or money or property
or dumb stuff like that
he only cared about poetry
correspondences and baseball

he mostly only cared
about poetry

he worried about only
two things
his son and his daughter

daughter couldn't
get clean

so when he couldn't sleep
he'd walk the streets of the town
at night the cops knew
who he was

or when he got angry
he would walk
the streets at night

or when he was worried
he'd walk again
at night

i see him walking
at night and working
on poems

down it goes
with a hundred things
he told me and we laughed about

i can see one of his books
from where i sit now

the ultimate tribute

down it goes
with a hundred things or more
he told me and we laughed about


-----

Dedicated to Robert Funge
Sept. 13, 1931-
Mar. 22, 2013

Poem - and if you do know

don't realize
everything you didn't think about
was thought out
was a message

hotel room
restaurant club
how you cocked your hip
and smiled

and if you do know


>

Things I Wanted to Post but Did Not

No __________.

Tell your ___________ to stop ________ you.

A nice way to live because you're going to ___________ .

A lot  __ _____   ___ of ______  _____ because __________ .



*****

Things I wanted to post but I did not.

Poems - like a coward

some poems are too accurate
they tell the truth or reveal the facts
so starkly

with such a shock
i have no intention of exposing
and though they are the best poems

i have ever written i have thrown
many of them away

like a coward


*

Writing - From "Drafts"

I'm sorry if I offended anyone -- but if I did, fuck you. Seriously, fuck off. Because, all that matters in the end, is the work. We all have to do the work. Isn't that hard enough to do the work.

Please don't be mistaken: I like to get on with everybody, even if I don't agree with them. But I' m not posing, and I have no time for distractions.


----

From "Drafts"

Poem - no rose tattoo

boring

no rose tattoo

no tattoos
of anything

every scar
has a simple
explanation

hey -- this one
was when i was
hung over
and destroyed
a motorcycle

boring

know what
venice looks like
on a winter day

venice italy
sorry

smelled
berlin

tripped on
london

cried when
it snowed on
new years day
in paris

understood
just a bit about
love and fate

but no rose
tattoo

Poem - i blame god / for my crashing

riding my bike
the bike lane
disappears

it is dark
and i crash

crashing hurts
but there are no cars
passing when i crash

i decide to get a soda
from the convenience store

i blame god
for my crashing


*

Poem - we can / stay sober at my club

drunken
night customers

strippers
johns and god

fine dining
salvation nearby

just enough
time for rescue

some
friends dying

come to
my sober club

we can
stay sober at my club


---

GG
2014

Poem - some

some

don't discriminate between
fast food take out
or poetry

actually they'd like
the hamburger

rather than a few lines
that could make
them

immortal


*

Poem - PISCES

i am old

older
than history

before you were born
i swam on the lids
of egyptian coffins

before this
they spied me
over ziggurat gardens

and before this
i hovered over deserts
that met oceans

no one knew
where the water ended
and the starry skies began

i felt all the ages
and all mutiple are mine

most fruitful of the triplicate


---

8.19.14

Poem - help someone and save yourself

  the Darwinian excuse for not helping
  the false boost to ego it provides

is a horrifying thing

  it betrays and denies the ones
  who gave to you

  later you will not get
  any help at all

  as you watched
  others struggle

  it will be your turn
  you will struggle and drown

help someone and save yourself

8.13.14

Poem - unconcious

I started forgiving
when I realized your suffering was so intense
it was lobotomizing you

Also making you high in a way
where you had no idea what you were doing

You were unconscious
but you acted like you were aware

But you were not conscious

You dream and I was a dream figure
to you


--

8.13.14

"Sometimes I’ll get a call or email from someone five years after the last contact and I’ll think, oh right, I hated that person. But they would never have known, of course. Let’s see if I still hate them. Very often I find that I don’t. Or that I hated them for a dumb reason. Or that they were having a bad day."

https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c

**


And I realized, reading this, that sometimes you meet someone and they are having a very bad year -- or a string of bad years. They might not know how to stop the bad years. So those kind of people you have to be especially kind to, as they enter and exit though your life. Because we are all visitors.

Poem - learn from poetry

why write poetry
or even try to understand it
they ask

this day
is a poem that started
with the sun rising

if you don't
understand this day
learn from poetry



__

HB
Sunrise
8.12.14

Poem - unavoidable blessings / are scattered throughout

you can look
and find the wrong person
over and over again
blinded by prejudice

because nobody
will change and they don't
trees won't convert
into cotton candy

or gold or that
perfect novel but humans
they don't quit looking
and choosing

unavoidable blessings
are scattered throughout
tripped over cursed
then appreciated



HB
8.11.14

Poem - Looking Back

we were a perfect match
vain stupid and scared

many people are like this
so we were not special

but wasn't it nice to think

the kind of potential damage
to be done to others

through our own self-obsessiveness
this was roomy enough

to build something up out of whimsy

like a country to get lost in
or a dream to go bad

promising all would be well
if it was gotten at any cost

i will remember you

there is a new view out
a new window big and white

some things will never change

barely remember what was
so solid before


()


HB
8.11.14

Poem - even though

our neighbors felt compelled
to welcome us

even though
we were from out of town

but we had bought
the unlucky house in the neighborhood

so it was fine
and they wished us well

there was a lawn party
everyone smiled

when the house
was vacant

i imagine
they smiled again



----

Poem - Oak Park

i would walk past
the house

where hemingway wrote
many of his first short stories

i saw it intimately in every season

and also the house
where he was born

up from the high school
in oak park

some oldster remembered him

even the streets in certain places held
his echoes and even scenes

he wished he could have
annihilated

with the bravado
he encased himself in

because oak park is like this

so trim and prim
with the wide lawns he derided

where anything
drunk or stray didn't belong

god had no hard feelings
when the place was created

oak park has no hard feelings

thus hemingway became the
storyteller and the braggart

the lying hero and the wanderer
drunk and killer of others and self

just to get away from oak park

now ernest is dead
and oak park is just the same

the immortally serene location
where the wisconsin glacier stopped

the shore of ancient lake chicago

crown of the continental divide


___

from recollection
HB SOCAL
2014

Poem - The Invisible Restaurant

i just opened a restaurant
with no waiters
no menu
no food
no physical location

you and i are
in there now

what would you like to order?


*

let us sit here for a second
and enjoy the moment


---

Us
The Invisible Restaurant
8.07.14

Poem - splendid

like flashes of lightening
they go through your life
splendid

now i have a receipt for gas
and a pencil no. 2

there are some who will
unlock the secret of life through
hedonism

i have a pencil no. 2
and a full tank of gas


*

Poem - Another Poem to the Angel of Constantinople

i'll stay off the subject of poetry
or how love saves the world

i think about the angel of constantinople
and of holy duty or vows and purpose

the angel was sent with responsibility
into a world of wiles and faithlessness

but the being was undeterred
because it knew

no matter how the errand turned out
there are 100,000 more at least

that will be showing up
at any time any place

if requested


==

hb
aug 2014

Poem - and deep down

i have nothing to teach you
i am a liar

i lie with my eyes and my heart
with every ounce of my brains
with my spirit
with my whole life

but in me there is something
that cannot lie

cannot be untrue for
even one instant

and often
this halts my lies in progress
and has me sit and meditate

if you watched me
through all my talk

and saw that i was quiet
and was still sometimes

if we found some lasting
happiness with this

and we gave that
to others

a bit of happiness
you and i spread
with nothing
gotten back

just a bit

with my spirit
with my whole life

then i'd be
happy

because
a holy fool

and a liar
become one

as everything
wears out

and becomes
new again

*

Poem - un-upset

i'm a shoe
a tear
a replacement
a battle lost

i'm that tree
that filling station
that leak
that sky

**

un-upset
2014

Poem - practice kindness all day to everybody

practice kindness all day to everybody
and you'll realize you are everybody

---

from Jack Kerouac's

Practice kindness all day to everybody
and you will realize you’re already
in heaven now.

The Patient 9

9

and a note
in my cold uptown flat
where everything

seems varnished by
blue light

i want to 
come back

i crumple it
it crumples
o pride

i am so cold
i have no idea
if i can be warm

*

who needs help more
her me or them
or him

if i love her again
will she leave me
again i ask the wall

over and over again
i ask the wall

a blue wall

The Patient -1

-1

i am nineteen years old
and i meet the girl
who will be my wife
for the first time

i give her a ride
out to the island
where her friends are
for the weekend

she laughs at my
old boat with the
peeling blue paint

later she and i
try to catch fireflies

while her friends
argue and get stoned

+

after this kiss
so lightly

and for so
long on my burning lips

i don't see her
for three years

The Patient - 0

0

before it all began
i felt happy for some reason
and so did my wife

we had been unhappy
for a time with
strange arguments

i think i was happy
because she was happy

for some reason
she would not tell me
exactly why she was happy

we took a walk
in central park

we watched it snow

we held hands like it was
a long time ago

Poem - i dream of a mouse / in a box

i dream of a mouse
in a box

a copier box
no a computer box

no it is a
printer box

and it is
a rat not a mouse

no it is a
cat

no it is a
raccoon

i go to
the kitchen

it follows me
and i let it out

into the
back yard


__

hb
2014

Poem - Forum

go there to shine
not to be found

as a self-said
king or queen

a selfish story
because it lauds

and you wrote it
with praise in mind


*

Poem - many are just extremely / grateful and happy

there are people
who forget their purpose

or forget what they wanted
from when they started out

they don't all end up
feeling lost with a haunted look

many are just extremely
grateful and happy


**

HB
j 24 2014

Poem - if you understand the deathless essence / in all things preferable and not preferable

the compassionless attempt
to arouse pain and unhappiness in others

matching their own experience 

most realize on some level
even subconsciously this
towards others is wrong

the cruelty we do is inescapable

a vindictive mind will emphasize this

out of self hatred

so turn away from hatred

lack of compassion

and cruelty

avoid it like you would avoid

drinking poison

or burying yourself

pray for the benefit of others

especially your enemies

and bow at their feet

they have shown you the way

by illustrating the insane

futility of hatred

if you understand the deathless essence

in all things preferable and not preferable

you will have won

for you the race will be over

for others who knows

they will race on

+

hb

7.23.14

Poem - i can't have bad feeling / toward the leaf in you

even if i feel sad
it is okay because i know
change is happening right now

nothing stays put
things come and go

tonight i'll sleep
and spend an eternity
in dreams

a few hours or 5.000 years
would feel the same

so why be blue
over anything

each of us is like
a leaf facing the winds
of their own mind

i can't have bad feeling
toward the leaf in you


__

Poem - and i never knew / anything about you

another poem
for you to read

the one who has nothing
or knows poetry

tonight you sit there
staying in or thinking
to go out

window shade drawn
television on

in a room i never
was allowed to see

someone on the phone
for several hours

other people calling
who never get through

it is a small kingdom
and you are absolute ruler

staying in or thinking
to go out

10 x 13 or 15 x 12
i'll never know

though mom comes in
with questions

and your father
slams the doors

and i never knew you
anything about you

it is obvious now

Poem - I'd rather go/ watch it snow

I don't know
why they are there.

They never seem
to do anything
except send little
innocuous messages.

I'd rather go
watch it snow.

Then take a nap.

Or eat a sandwich
reading a

National
Geographic.


--

For Richard Brautigan,
who'd write something like this
after online dating.

Poem - The Patient 7 & 8

7

the claim to find his body
it is not his body
i almost ask if there
is a pack of playing cards
in his effects

his things are
laid out

no torn ace of
diamonds


8

my wife leaves me
for my secretary

Poem - The Patient 6

6

when i get the letter
that starts with
when you get this note
i shall be gone for i have
'found myself and
i will be gone shortly

i rush to the hospital
he is not there
having gone missing
thursday night

the police and searchers
comb the woods
and check all hotels and
bus stations homeless camps
bars etc etc

i show them the note
they wonder why
it is torn at the bottom
they look at me
darkly suspiciously

they confiscate it

but later i find
the torn off section
secreted in the crevice
of my car door

it says
as an expression
of my gratitude
i will be back for you
JMS 1 
with a ace of diamonds
torn in half

when the police
ask me if i found
anything else i lie
about this note

i lie
and i sleep
in my lies

my wife says
if i feel like
you're starting to carry
you patients in your head
and they can't get out
of your head i might have
to leave you

and i sleep
and then wake up
see new cases and pretend
any patient is out
of my head out of sight
out of mind

i look
at the ace of diamonds
and avoid reflections
when i do so

Poem - Anchor Point

anchor point
a dream with no regrets

a desire
you notice but do not break

as soon as
you stop looking outside

you start becoming


*

Poem - The Patient 4 & 5

4

in the middle of the night
i dream of the patient
my wife wakes me up
you're arguing with someone
and talking and talking
about time and ladders
stop stop

i wonder if i might meet
myself older or younger
and both of us not have
any idea who is who

you should take
some time off you never do
says my wife
your patients
be just fine and as 
crazy as ever when you
get back

i wonder who is
loonier and who is sane
i say half joking

that settles it
she says you're going
on vacation
to the lake house 
start packing 

*

before we leave
i let my secretary go
because i discover he is right

5

when we are at the lake house
the phone will ring sometimes a long time
because there is no answering machine

but when i go to answer it
the line goes dead

the phone never rings
at the same time of day

the phone never rings
for the same amount of time

kids crank calling
i tell my wife
convinced it is
something else

she unplugs the phone
and we light the lanterns
the lake is black
and huge

out over it are a few
bobbing lights

Poem - The Patient 3

3

a quantum dislocation
is going to occur
he tells me as he looks
out the window

we don't know why
but this universe at some point
splits into two branches

one branch discovers 
that the shift
has occurred the other
has no idea it happened

it may have happened
by now he says it is hard to tell

we may be in the one that knows
it happened we shall see

persons found that neighbors
and people they hated
for many years 
were in fact themselves
due to accidental
time travel from one universe
to the next

he laughs a great deal
at that

then he writes in a journal
for a long time without talking
then remembers me

sorry he says
i have to stay organized

*

when i am
dropping him off at the
hospital he looked at me frankly
thank you for being
so kind and listening
i know you don't believe me

he looked at the single light
shining harshly over the entrance
i'll see if i can
come back for you

look for a sign

Poem - Beuna Vista Dr

we took a old threadbare blanket
as a stack of encyclopedias

and it was a fort
under attack from indians

or we were pirates
taking the brady bunch hostage

and sailing to the rescue
at gilligan's isalnd

i was gi joe
with kung fu grip

you were black bart
with a white hat

we fought over
an old american flag

you took it home
i cried

Poem - The Patient 1 & 2

1.

he can see the past in mirrors
so he avoids looking into them

he says i am not a voyeur by the way
i see in that reflected chrome on the desk
sometimes your secretary has sex
in here when you are out

remember: nothing is as it seems
he smiles at me sadly

he documents his movements precisely
so his future self will rescue him
with a quantum ladder

yes he says  multidimensional aliens that look
like flowing paint and swatches of light
are coming to destroy the earth 
in 2022


2.

he carries a small tablet sized
erasable white board
and a black dry erase marker
when we go walking to get some air

i put a string on the marker
so i don't drop it
he says

whenever we see a news van
or security camera he quickly
writes the date, time and a message
to his future self

7.17.14 AM PST
40.7127° N, 74.0059° W
FOR GODS SAKE JOHN MARKEN SHIPLEY THIS IS 
JOHN MARKEN SHIPLEY 47 YEARS OLD NOW
BORN JULY 11 1967
37.3000° N, 120.4833° W

i wish i could calculate this
in relation to the galactic center
he muses with a sad smile
possibly someday it would help

i'm like finding me
in a quantum haystack 
but i know i promised to keep
looking he assures me

i want to ask him
how do you know you'd keep
looking?
but i refrain

Poem - we'll be cowboys / for sure

we learn how to draw
space ships in 1973

these craft are
like from the 1950s

spidery struts
and circular orbs

lozenges hold
liquid propellant

the sides marked
ever so by huge fins

silver with a USA
and a star

we'll be cowboys
for sure

out there

in the asteroids
and mars


_

then
1973

Poem - i have nothing / on my mind

i have nothing
on my mind

i am a pencil
and you are paper


))

Poem - in vivid denial for what they do

wasters should be filled with shame
paradoxically they are generous

like a wreckers great yellow
fire on a foggy beach

in vivid denial for what they do
utterly forsaking

after the comforting sight or sign
once embraced


**

Poem - There's no way to hold onto anything / good or bad

I think about you all the time

Everytime I think about you
it wears away a little bit at the memory itself

Because you are no longer here
the recollections are not replaced with new ones

So you are finite now

I keep remembering you
and eventually there will be nothing left

Like how ice melts into water

Then the water evaporates too

Sad about this, then giddy
how someday I won't even know you were here

By remembering
I am gradually eroding whatever ghost remains

Every trace of you is gone

I'll have that in my head too

There's no way to hold onto anything
good or bad



--

San Jose / Oakland
July 11 2014

Poem - st. francis never pays / never tips

st francis never pays
never tips
and never asks for anything
you don't want to give

try taking him
to breakfast or brunch
what do you think he
orders?

*
HB
July 3 2014

Poem - having no more / to ask for

for a year lived in fear and anger
being incapable of letting go
then just self pity of the revolting secret kind

the kind of sadness that one does not admit
and
instead tries to overcome through austerities
of the brutal kind bowing bowing bowing

a second year of inner nonsense
of hate of hurt of confusion
being incapable of letting go
more austerities more bowing
endless mantra

    let go
    let go
    let go

third year filled out papers
moved apartments
getting out of anger

hear the machinist next door
grinding rails

walk to the ocean
having no more

to ask for


++

HB
2014
July

Poem - like a star twinkles / and can't be sullied

standing in your gracious bathroom
or gracious house or gracious party
existing

like you are dressed by invisible hands
food magically appears of endless
varieties

i think of heads on coins or a ships prow
the figure that serenely braved any
calamity

looking out with a smile
beyond men and gods

like a star twinkles
and can't be sullied



.

Valley of the Minotaur Game Found -- Artwork

My dad saved it, my mother found it. I have a copy of Valley of the Minotaur. The disk looks good. There is a service in Tustin that can transfer the files.

Previous post about VOTM, with some background info on the game.

Dream Debate on the Properties of Rain

that night
it was simple
we debated on the rain

if it should fall up
or fall down

and how
evenly spaced
should the drops be

*

everyone
had a chance to share

and no ones
feelings were hurt


_

HB
Summer 2014

The Great Black Bird with a Pearl White Beak

"Birds fly in my windows, and tell me things. The little darlings." he said to me.

"So that is how you know what is going on?"

"Yes, I trained birds to go about and then come back and give me the news. I'm very proud of them." he said.

"How do you teach birds to go about and then come back and tell you things?"

"Oh, that is easy -- with rhinestones, bits of strings,  and snacks. Works every time."

"Anything unusual happen?"

"Yes, I have noticed that occasionally there extra birds that I did not train, that come by. A bit unusual."

"Occasionally?"

"Now and again. Hard to tell."

"Oh, and what are these birds like?"

"I can't generalize -- you see -- they tend to be very different, each one. The unique birds."

"Are they bigger than the birds you use?

"Well, some of them are bigger, some are faster, brighter, darker -- some are quite dangerous. You never know."

"And what do the special birds tell you?"

"Oh dear, I call then "non-repeaters". Because they never come back."

"And what do these "non-repeaters" tell you?"

"All kinds of things -- especially breaking news, sometime on things that are yet to have happened, or are happening far away. It can be upsetting."

"Oh, like how?"

"This very pretty small one, littler than a hummingbird came by just before you came here to interview me. And it told me."

"Told you?"

"That you are dead, you died yesterday. Freak accident."

And I tried to open the door to leave, and I saw he was right. And then the room seemed to be full of birds, and he was a great back bird with a pearl white beak.

Poem - nothing unusual was happening in my dreams / early before dawn

nothing unusual was happening in my dreams
early before dawn

i was meeting with bright beings and angels
and talking about the good things
that could be done today
over coffee in a diner


---

HB
2014

Poem - dust on the photos

dust on the photos
look like stars under the scanner
a blanket of them over
your bridal shower and triumphant wedding


---

2014

Getting Tube Socks in a Dream

We do this wrathful meditation practice for several days, 16 hours a day -- and I clean the glass cases that Dudjom Rinpoche and Thinely Norbu Rinpoche's relics are in.  And one night I dream that the wisdom deity, Troma, she's there in the room, you can't see her. But she is there.

I am sitting in the translators place, next to where the Lamas sit. People are coming up to me, giving me a single pair of black fuzzy tube socks, in a gallon ziplock bag. There are some shiny little candies or offerings in each bag as well.

I get about 600 or 800 of these offerings, or gifts. I have no idea what it means, but thank you.

----

Pema Osel Ling
Just after the First Day of Summer
2014

Poem - Waking the Innocent

i'm a stranger in my own life
the moon has burned down
 not the barn
and the barn is brighter
.

i'm a beggar cleaning cases barefoot
 apologizing to the saints
with sawdust falling on precious stupa maseratis
monuments covered in gems 
.

i'm a fool who wants to get lucky
an idiot who marches up and down the hills
 believing fit people
must have more faith
.

i'm the one praying at night or early in the morning
before dawn praying my heart out but finding 
 i just wake the innocent
from great dreams
.


**

but no trouble at all 
the moon comes back from nothing
 all the time 
over stalwart barns stuffed with treasure
&
never-mind what burns

---
.

Santa Cruz / Huntington Beach
Two Days after the first day of Summer 2014

Hundreds of Firefiles

That dark afternoon, it honestly felt like the world was going to end. Multiple thunder storms and tornadoes had touched down all around Oak Park. People locked their storm doors and windows to keep them from being blown open. He could see lightening stinking all around the building, every few minutes. The frame of the flat groaned. But he couldn't take himself away from the window, holding up the sash, seeing the wind blow things down the street -- of cars hurrying, their headlamps weak and indifferent. He would take a break, and lay down, then get back up and look out the windows more. Then it passed. Beneath masses of moving ragged clouds, the sun was low in the sky.

It was still steamy and warm. He walked into the backyard, the garden was huge and green. He saw hundreds of fireflies. A bit drunk, he almost saw them with the astonishment of a child. The wonder faded with the calculations of getting to a bar. Subtle, looming guilt.

------

Lombard Street
Oak Park IL

The Case of Beer

When he got sober, about 2 or 3 weeks into it, the neighbors downstairs had a party, and they left a half-open case of beer in the stairwell. The stairwell was enclosed. He'd walk past the half-opened case of beer for months afterwards, several times a day. The tops of the beers got dusty and white. He didn't drink. But he walked past that case of beer a lot.

---

Lombard Street
Oak Park
May 2010

My Life is Like a River

I did something important today, and when I had gotten it done, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, and a twinge or remorse. Realization came to me: I have a certain amount of immaturity, even in my mid forties. It keeps me from doing things, sometime important things. It has also caused me conflict and heartache. I can clearly see where it originates from, and it has to do with the way I grew up -- but my parents can't be blamed for it. It has to do with certain attitudes I chose to adopt, and forgot. I feel bad, in a way, I imagine it has been frustrating for my parents to see me making certain mistakes. My mom and dad are excellent parents. They gave me and my sister everything they could. The good news is, I have never appreciated my parents more. I love them more and more, the more I comprehend what they did for us. I'm terribly lucky. Or very lucky. I can see some of the things I kept hidden or denied from myself, and now I can actually do something about them -- or even act differently. Certain flaws of character. My life is like a river, and it is connected from one end to the other. But ultimately there is no end, or start.

The last miracle is to be able look at myself, see where I seem to be falling short, and not be angry with myself -- or with others. This has been coming to me as well. It takes some spiritual work to get there.  It comes from being less selfish towards myself and others.

---

BC HB
6.05.14

Poem - i have no idea / how i dream

i had a dream 

that it was raining

and the spirit house

which had a statue of dudjom

was in the woods in front of me

a long time ago i stood in woods

in front of a statue of dudjom

a house with magic eyes

of yarn and sticks

a plaything 

my dreams are

echoes of what has gone

before yet i did not comprehend

some say i dream to correct error

others say to learn from all

every single thing

like a wave 

my dreams will subside

or like a tide they could

increase

i have no idea

how i dream

*

Writing - You Won't Be Flying With That One

I thought it said "A Suede Lawnmower, Pulled by Crows".

How do you get crows to do that? They could grip the suede, I suppose. Big crows, too -- probably a hundred. That damn lawnmower could FLY. It would be a FLYING CROW PROPELLED SUEDE LAWNMOWER.

Then I see it is "A Selfmade Lawnmower, Pulled by Cows".

Which is good, too. But you won't be flying with that one.


__

HB BA
May 2099

Poem - it looks like i am dog paddling

when i grapple within the nothing to grapple
it looks like i am dog paddling
to god

even if god does not exist something beyond me
does note how i dog paddle
in the air

this thing i choose to sense is in my breath
in breadth width and height
sacred geometry

they built churches around it or hells
to encircle what cannot be
contained

it does the hokey-pokey jumping inside
and outside every thought or
feeling i have


____

BC HB
May 2014

Poem - when they said

they said when
someone who you put
in a position of trust
hurts you greatly

they should be
treasured like a guru

and i wanted to
cry and hate you more

but i didn't cry and
my eyes were dry and hot

later i meditated and
reflected on my endless
hypocrisy and how i am
stupid and useless

then i go back
to valuing you and others

who have insulted
and demeaned me

as the highest of
all & see what happens

---

To Chenrezig

Poem - this we dream

the only time
there is time
is when we are asleep

this we dream


***

HB BC
may 2014

Short Story: The End of Something

She leaves him with a burning hatred of hookers, strippers, pornography, and lying.

The End

*****

Thanks to E Hemingway

The Only Time

She turns to me as a sun sets behind her, through long venetian blinds.

"The only time it looks ugly, is when I cough." she says, a bit upset.

"Why do they call them venitian blinds?" I ask her.

She ignores me, sitting on the edge of the bed, and looks pensively into space.

I take a look around the room -- it is decorated from the 1950s.

Who is she, and how are we related?

How did I get here?

I don't know.

**

BC HB
5.23.14

Let's Get Honest

They said "Let's get honest." Then, later, they said "Nevermind."

Everyone felt much better.


**

BC HB
2014 5

I Have a Piano on My Ferris Wheel

I have a piano on my ferris wheel. When the piano is at the bottom, the wheel turns slowly. When the piano passes the top, the ferris wheel turns a bit quicker, as it descends.

Music can be heard, lyrically floating through the air -- it is a a bit faster when the wheel comes down.

People come and stare, and then ride.

A few stay, and play.

**

Bolsa Chica
HB 2014.5

A Bird Flies into the Room

A bird flies in the room, because I have no screens on the windows. The bird has a small pipe and a scarf.

"I like your scarf." I say

"Thank you" says the bird, and it twirls the pipe in its beak. "Do you have a light?"

***

Bolsa Chica
Huntington Beach 5.14

The New Era was a Sham

The new era was a sham, but the old era was just hyped up on guns and meth. Art was out and so was writing. If you couldn't see it or watch it, then it wasn't worth remembering.  But it was fun too. We wandered the burnt out huts of this land, and we gathered the shoelaces and MREs, and our violent forefathers had been eradicated by their own envy.


*

Cherry blossoms fell and the water took the blossoms and they floated on the pool like tiny boats.

*

I found an old book about the story of an Italian Knight who spontaneously combusted after drinking strong wine in the 15th century. I don't know what strong wine is. It sounds like medicine. That would be bad medicine.

Poem - impossible life / filling me with such joys

impossible life
filling me with such joys
visions i became
and built up i fell
and in falling i was built up
like a see saw
and what i saw i see
the ghost refelections
my heart still beating
like a drummer
of a traveling band
that never quit
and never found home
impossible life
becoming possible in
this surrender
this shedding
of predudice
towards reality
itself
but damn such
tears and moonbeans
and

---

for Latif
5.10.14

Peom - when he died he left a slip of paper/ and it said

when he died he left a slip of paper
and it said

if you're reading this and i'm gone
gone from the room

don't say i'm in a better place because
every day here was a heaven

and each time was new and pure
ending and restarting

besides i am not gone
i'm everywhere now

past present
and future

PS

you can have all my stuff


---

5.07.14

Poem - Since Newton

More poetry from my smart-phone

Since Newton
I've sincerely believed

Every apple has
a great invention in it

And every idea
is edible too


-- Alcatel Phone