have you seen the new lego pineapple?
the new lego lazarus is holding it,
staring at you accusingly.
***
Monday, September 16, 2019
Wednesday, September 11, 2019
the streets isolated neat and boring
on vacation
we will fit in though just visiting
walk through the gated community
lacking the stuff so we make do
become mimes with a mime dog we are walking
cold like the fog
the streets isolated neat and boring
if only a ship would wreck
and we could go over the bones
----
Bodega Bay
2015
we will fit in though just visiting
walk through the gated community
lacking the stuff so we make do
become mimes with a mime dog we are walking
cold like the fog
the streets isolated neat and boring
if only a ship would wreck
and we could go over the bones
----
Bodega Bay
2015
under a vast lake measured in spoons
it is raining
just like when i woke up
at 3.30 am and heard the rain
and the sound of a clogged gutter
like a miniature waterfall on the deck
at 7.30 i grab a ladder
i clean out the sticks and leaves
everything looks properly wet
we are a reverie
home a gentle genie
under a vast lake measured in spoons
***
just like when i woke up
at 3.30 am and heard the rain
and the sound of a clogged gutter
like a miniature waterfall on the deck
at 7.30 i grab a ladder
i clean out the sticks and leaves
everything looks properly wet
we are a reverie
home a gentle genie
under a vast lake measured in spoons
***
entirely strange
you were brilliant
i am still blinded by how bright you shone
how fortunate i am to have known you
you inspired me to tell the truth
taught me how to communicate feelings
i never saw you afraid of anything
still thinking about conversations
laughing at some of the jokes
remembering the musical discoveries
the contradictions
the quirks
force of personality
you had deep flaws that i couldn't see
did anyone know what was deep inside you
i'm sorry if you could never tell us
because of you i sensed larger rooms
bigger moments and deeper relationships
all through deciding to have it and the courage to go
some sprint and others double-down
the marathon of life or stages in the highest climb
you are both in the past and above me in some place
to meet again when it will be like a new day
just like the first day we met not so long ago
you bright happy confident and entirely strange
----
for
r
fall
2019
i am still blinded by how bright you shone
how fortunate i am to have known you
you inspired me to tell the truth
taught me how to communicate feelings
i never saw you afraid of anything
still thinking about conversations
laughing at some of the jokes
remembering the musical discoveries
the contradictions
the quirks
force of personality
you had deep flaws that i couldn't see
did anyone know what was deep inside you
i'm sorry if you could never tell us
because of you i sensed larger rooms
bigger moments and deeper relationships
all through deciding to have it and the courage to go
some sprint and others double-down
the marathon of life or stages in the highest climb
you are both in the past and above me in some place
to meet again when it will be like a new day
just like the first day we met not so long ago
you bright happy confident and entirely strange
----
for
r
fall
2019
Friday, September 06, 2019
every star is like a hole
every star is like a hole
pushed through black paper
thoughts made each one
*
pushed through black paper
thoughts made each one
*
locked out of the cabinet of my mind
locked out of the cabinet of my mind
thank you that i have such caution
to be caught this way
*
thank you that i have such caution
to be caught this way
*
The captain of the flight says his name is "Cheesy Love Guacamole"
The captain of the flight says his name is "Cheesy Love Guacamole". Other than the name, it is a ordinary flight. We land in Minneapolis 25 minutes early, because of some favorable tail winds.
***
***
Thursday, September 05, 2019
splendid heaven will undress all our statements
splendid heaven will undress all our statements
revealing cloistered grandmothers or miraculous vision
**
revealing cloistered grandmothers or miraculous vision
**
Wednesday, September 04, 2019
it said BILLIONS and LOVE
he lived a small life
like an enchanting dot
but if you looked close
it said BILLIONS and LOVE
***
like an enchanting dot
but if you looked close
it said BILLIONS and LOVE
***
i'm working hard to stay out/ of the same old thoughts and same old day
i'm working hard to stay out
of the same old thoughts and same old day
because a series of thoughts like that or this regular day
the thoughts and day that keep getting blander and more tired
boring thoughts on a uneventful day
so life starts to curl up and suck a thumb
with an empty type of daydream wholess and vague
why would i want that
even if working hard at it is just the opposite
i'm going to do something
*
of the same old thoughts and same old day
because a series of thoughts like that or this regular day
the thoughts and day that keep getting blander and more tired
boring thoughts on a uneventful day
so life starts to curl up and suck a thumb
with an empty type of daydream wholess and vague
why would i want that
even if working hard at it is just the opposite
i'm going to do something
*
the shade was like a jail
the shade was like a jail
grass in the backyard erect
yellow steel sided house
overwrought we do not lose hope
we ask for connections
what is so blue or so green
in fall our pants will be cold
frost like a mouth
***
grass in the backyard erect
yellow steel sided house
overwrought we do not lose hope
we ask for connections
what is so blue or so green
in fall our pants will be cold
frost like a mouth
***
industrious well-to-do imported pigs are plotting
industrious well-to-do imported pigs are plotting
mean to outdo our local grey squirrels
***
mean to outdo our local grey squirrels
***
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
Q: A chicken, tomato, and two slices of bread enter a room. What comes out?
Q: A chicken, tomato, and two slices of bread enter a room. Who comes out?
A: A lot of weird stuff I will never understand, unless I let go.
*
A: A lot of weird stuff I will never understand, unless I let go.
*
Stan and Voltaire
“God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.” — Voltaire
"There is a God out there, maybe you have to be silly every once in awhile to find him." - Stan
**
"There is a God out there, maybe you have to be silly every once in awhile to find him." - Stan
**
what if the annoyed island / ate all the tourists?
what if the annoyed island
ate all the tourists?
it might be called
fat bones island.
the trees would be
very green.
the mountains
mysteriously empty.
beaches with
white looking driftwood.
***
ate all the tourists?
it might be called
fat bones island.
the trees would be
very green.
the mountains
mysteriously empty.
beaches with
white looking driftwood.
***
the river stole from the gods
the river stole from the gods
and she spoke to him loudly quite often
fall brought everything back taken
fondly she thought of everything that he completed
***
and she spoke to him loudly quite often
fall brought everything back taken
fondly she thought of everything that he completed
***
Tuesday, August 27, 2019
Just Profit
another couple 100,000 dollars
is another couple 100,000 dollars
and i get that i get that
**
is another couple 100,000 dollars
and i get that i get that
**
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Reprise
i read at least 15 pages a day
on events that would make you cry
sometime i think i should become
the devil to fight the devil
*
on events that would make you cry
sometime i think i should become
the devil to fight the devil
*
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
A Strong Storm Today
i read at least 15 pages a day
on events that would make you cry
being strong and wise takes its toll
**
on events that would make you cry
being strong and wise takes its toll
**
The Right Discussion For That
i'm not overly honest on feast or famine
i don't want to suffer too much
or be frightening everyone all day
*
i don't want to suffer too much
or be frightening everyone all day
*
Manage That Last Relationship
there is unending support of my arguments
for me to win but that is not what i want
begrudgingly admit it is your own fault due to negativity
or sins from some past life's recycling bill
***
for me to win but that is not what i want
begrudgingly admit it is your own fault due to negativity
or sins from some past life's recycling bill
***
when i think of home
when i think of home
white walls and red tile roof
halfway up the hill with deer and quail
i remember the backyard deck
our dalmatians
who escaped if they could
into the christmas tree farm next door
three lawns to mow
the smell of wet hot grass
as i dumped out
the lawnmower bag in the garden
my mother scaring off the dogs
from digging in the corn with mousetraps
she got the snails
with small saucers of beer
the dogs would eat grapes off the vine
they'd sit under the vines
eat in the shade
i was the one that taught them
later friends would come over
i picked my room because i could see them
when they came up the street
***
white walls and red tile roof
halfway up the hill with deer and quail
i remember the backyard deck
our dalmatians
who escaped if they could
into the christmas tree farm next door
three lawns to mow
the smell of wet hot grass
as i dumped out
the lawnmower bag in the garden
my mother scaring off the dogs
from digging in the corn with mousetraps
she got the snails
with small saucers of beer
the dogs would eat grapes off the vine
they'd sit under the vines
eat in the shade
i was the one that taught them
later friends would come over
i picked my room because i could see them
when they came up the street
***
Monday, August 19, 2019
Click Click
gold plated squirrel traps
don't catch rodents made of gold
but if you go looking
you may find a leak in the roof
**
don't catch rodents made of gold
but if you go looking
you may find a leak in the roof
**
Well There You Go
nobody has courtesy names
so we don't know who is who
in the office or on the street
**
so we don't know who is who
in the office or on the street
**
Bang Around on Every Device
graciously he acted without grace
to prove it could be done
how lovelier the world would be
if we'd stop making fun of fun
**
to prove it could be done
how lovelier the world would be
if we'd stop making fun of fun
**
Friday, August 16, 2019
a season of nothing will be brighter and happier than you will ever be
a season of nothing will be brighter and happier than you will ever be
so why do you say the stems are too long on these flowers
or the endless horizons are too far
***
so why do you say the stems are too long on these flowers
or the endless horizons are too far
***
I'm Listening and Thinking
thoughts and prayers
powered by hopes and dreams
and intentional cruelty
*
powered by hopes and dreams
and intentional cruelty
*
5% of Them Were 6 People on a Terrible Job
what dread i feel
on such a gentle level
one accustomed to it
*
on such a gentle level
one accustomed to it
*
Tuesday, August 06, 2019
i dream everything makes sense
i dream everything makes sense
even you being gone
everything i lost
every question i wanted answered
every riddle for solving
plainly laid out
that was great and i thanked god
i thanked buddha and padmakara too
everyone was involved
i woke up and the feeling stayed
nothing is wrong everything in place
just as it should be
i was free of a load i've been carrying
the weight of thinking and knowing worry
understanding you'll find no answers
simple certainty stayed for many days
then slowly fades and i compare raindrops to raindrops
and i get back into hating you
and missing everything i think i lost
which motivates me in the end
to keep dreaming and making sense
even you being gone
everything i lost
every question i wanted answered
every riddle for solving
plainly laid out
that was great and i thanked god
i thanked buddha and padmakara too
everyone was involved
i woke up and the feeling stayed
nothing is wrong everything in place
just as it should be
i was free of a load i've been carrying
the weight of thinking and knowing worry
understanding you'll find no answers
simple certainty stayed for many days
then slowly fades and i compare raindrops to raindrops
and i get back into hating you
and missing everything i think i lost
which motivates me in the end
to keep dreaming and making sense
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
dreaming the mountain the camp and the climbers
dreaming the mountain the camp and the climbers
perfect blue sky with no storms for climbing
one peak a shoulder the other my nose
time holds still if i move and proceeds when i'm still
8
perfect blue sky with no storms for climbing
one peak a shoulder the other my nose
time holds still if i move and proceeds when i'm still
8
Thursday, July 25, 2019
desire is like a seed
desire is like a seed
every mind grows beyond it
if the consciousnesses will ever flower
heartbroken over
a saturday night call that was never made
my life just the thread in a cheap detective story
xxxxx
every mind grows beyond it
if the consciousnesses will ever flower
heartbroken over
a saturday night call that was never made
my life just the thread in a cheap detective story
xxxxx
Thursday, July 18, 2019
soaring heart/ clashing brain
soaring heart
clashing brain
and a mean little mind
inside called pride
who'd have you
store everything
keep it locked
till you die
so don't
***
clashing brain
and a mean little mind
inside called pride
who'd have you
store everything
keep it locked
till you die
so don't
***
some people i never stop thinking about
some people i never stop thinking about
like you & me then one day i forgot to remember
and i was and flew free like dandelion fluff
****
like you & me then one day i forgot to remember
and i was and flew free like dandelion fluff
****
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
raindrops fall
raindrops fall
every one a worry
before as a child
each was a new joy
how the mind wanders
in a land of nothing
still i'm grateful
for each drop
resolve in this
to happier time
even grace
which is possible
if you decide
+
every one a worry
before as a child
each was a new joy
how the mind wanders
in a land of nothing
still i'm grateful
for each drop
resolve in this
to happier time
even grace
which is possible
if you decide
+
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
thoughts are the counterfeit bills of the mind
thoughts are the counterfeit bills of the mind
consciousness passing as much as it thinks
to give weight or credence to every fantasy
attaching valuation to what is brilliant space
**
consciousness passing as much as it thinks
to give weight or credence to every fantasy
attaching valuation to what is brilliant space
**
Tuesday, June 25, 2019
every language is meant to be forgotten
every language is meant to be forgotten
once true contact is made
from words to inside the moment
on the feelings so fleeting
evening expansive night stars
swaying lanterns lit we are all family
then back to language as we must go
au revoir e saúdinha so long
**
once true contact is made
from words to inside the moment
on the feelings so fleeting
evening expansive night stars
swaying lanterns lit we are all family
then back to language as we must go
au revoir e saúdinha so long
**
Monday, June 24, 2019
reduce the words
reduce the words
until just the
outline remains
of fleeting memory
so it haunts
the letters
reduce
until the
outline
of memory
haunts
the letters
reduce
until
memory
haunts
letters
****
until just the
outline remains
of fleeting memory
so it haunts
the letters
reduce
until the
outline
of memory
haunts
the letters
reduce
until
memory
haunts
letters
****
i am willing to subvert my mind with the deadliest of all poisons
i am willing to subvert my mind with the deadliest of all poisons
a little bit everyday by reading the news
it does me no good but when you are dying of grasping and aversion
you come to crave what is excoriating the soul
***
a little bit everyday by reading the news
it does me no good but when you are dying of grasping and aversion
you come to crave what is excoriating the soul
***
i go outside and meet my neighbor a rabbit
i go outside and meet my neighbor a rabbit
rabbit is rabbit all the time and is here just so
i am human & often other places in my mind
sitting in the grass he regards me as
i lay my hand on the gate and the rabbit is gone
soon i am too for my job down the road
rabbit doesn't have a name and neither do i
rabbit doesn't have a job and neither do i
i see rabbit and rabbit sees me
***
rabbit is rabbit all the time and is here just so
i am human & often other places in my mind
sitting in the grass he regards me as
i lay my hand on the gate and the rabbit is gone
soon i am too for my job down the road
rabbit doesn't have a name and neither do i
rabbit doesn't have a job and neither do i
i see rabbit and rabbit sees me
***
Friday, June 14, 2019
i pray to the flying buddhas
i pray to the flying buddhas
they look like jets
i pray to the jumping buddhas
they look like rabbits
i pray to the buddhas in every
disguise they take on
even if a buddha answers to be
a bus driver or a bodhisattva
****
Monday, June 10, 2019
endlessly
approaching the second fathers day without my dad
i feel like a house half moved out of now moved out to 2/3
this is all i have i want more so i make more in my head
with planes in the afternoon soaring overhead through beautiful clouds
with sunshine on the clouds and on the planes beautifully shining
i am ignoring far flung gorgeousness with my rigorous denial of possibilities
me focusing on me and on my loss and my story not turning out the way i wanted
and not accepting loss which is not actually loss but is change
loss not being loss but discovery and evidence of the endless regeneration of the universe
that will seemingly bring us together and take us away but will also bring us together again
endlessly
***
Photo by Deborah Carmichael © 2019
Wednesday, June 05, 2019
go beyond everything
go beyond everything
even mind questioning
but how when
what does that mean?
even beyond this
**
even mind questioning
but how when
what does that mean?
even beyond this
**
Thursday, May 23, 2019
every notion/ and prayer
every notion
and prayer
above us
below us
like sky
into water
reeds into
air
on my knees
i can see
how earth
sky meet
***
and prayer
above us
below us
like sky
into water
reeds into
air
on my knees
i can see
how earth
sky meet
***
Thursday, May 16, 2019
how many stars are in me?
how many stars are in me?
one million? a hundred million? a million million?
and i am unhappy about what someone said
or i choose to be pained by this day
**
one million? a hundred million? a million million?
and i am unhappy about what someone said
or i choose to be pained by this day
**
i'm a jigsaw puzzle / atoms from that star
i'm a jigsaw puzzle
atoms from that star
dust from another
pinch of that quasar
a handful of 1,000 others
god remembers all of them
plus remembers the beings
flora and fauna that basked
in those stars' light
each one every one
i'm built from minute
portions of all best hopes
dreams visions joys
desires that span great
gulfs of time be in me
and in you why we love
eye continues to delight
in new light breath
beneath a sky that seems
inexhaustible as beautiful
as it was before
and will always be
there's nothing common
to anything seen
to anything felt
to anything heard
or anything sacrificed
anything gained
nothing can be lost
everything starts again
each day contains
kaleidoscopes of
every noble urge
ready to be cherished
------
atoms from that star
dust from another
pinch of that quasar
a handful of 1,000 others
god remembers all of them
plus remembers the beings
flora and fauna that basked
in those stars' light
each one every one
i'm built from minute
portions of all best hopes
dreams visions joys
desires that span great
gulfs of time be in me
and in you why we love
eye continues to delight
in new light breath
beneath a sky that seems
inexhaustible as beautiful
as it was before
and will always be
there's nothing common
to anything seen
to anything felt
to anything heard
or anything sacrificed
anything gained
nothing can be lost
everything starts again
each day contains
kaleidoscopes of
every noble urge
ready to be cherished
------
Wednesday, May 15, 2019
pick bicycle/ and be happy
pick bicycle
and be happy
ride with
your arms out
laugh ride
fly
----
spring
2019
and be happy
ride with
your arms out
laugh ride
fly
----
spring
2019
Wednesday, May 08, 2019
i was thinking about you the other day
i was thinking about you the other day
how i thought i knew you and appreciated you
but i see that i was just assuming everything
because i miss you so much
your memory is tiny and excruciatingly bright
getting smaller and smaller every time i try
to make it big like a cathedral or a stupa
because i miss you so much
you would forbid me to go on with this
you'd laugh and say 'go make new friends' or 'keep having life'
it is what i would say to you if the roles were reverse
because i miss you so much
&&&
how i thought i knew you and appreciated you
but i see that i was just assuming everything
because i miss you so much
your memory is tiny and excruciatingly bright
getting smaller and smaller every time i try
to make it big like a cathedral or a stupa
because i miss you so much
you would forbid me to go on with this
you'd laugh and say 'go make new friends' or 'keep having life'
it is what i would say to you if the roles were reverse
because i miss you so much
&&&
there is nothing like what i do
there is nothing like what i do
if i perform in a way intended
beyond any action or thought
like we admire light in the sky on clouds
or a bright lone star you cannot touch
@@@
if i perform in a way intended
beyond any action or thought
like we admire light in the sky on clouds
or a bright lone star you cannot touch
@@@
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
noon
then i have no strength
thinking i am an idiot so are you
you can't stop me as well
i can't stop you but simply watch
as you do whatever you do
with hopefully the same compassion
i'd give myself
dazed i am in my ignorance
stunned i am in my presumption
insensible have i become in my views
night is here and
the garden is magnificent every songbird
and cricket and star put me in my place
everything i reasoned before was tired
and tied to whatever regular thinking
i could muster which becomes
totally exhausted
the mania of the mind a ruler broken
but still will resolve to measure a lens
distorted will propose a perfect open survey
finding resolve then
as a knowledgeable fool by
admission of my own plans mislaid
and not escaping identification nor
gathering you and saying you are so
then compassion is complete
the key found
***
thinking i am an idiot so are you
you can't stop me as well
i can't stop you but simply watch
as you do whatever you do
with hopefully the same compassion
i'd give myself
dazed i am in my ignorance
stunned i am in my presumption
insensible have i become in my views
night is here and
the garden is magnificent every songbird
and cricket and star put me in my place
everything i reasoned before was tired
and tied to whatever regular thinking
i could muster which becomes
totally exhausted
the mania of the mind a ruler broken
but still will resolve to measure a lens
distorted will propose a perfect open survey
finding resolve then
as a knowledgeable fool by
admission of my own plans mislaid
and not escaping identification nor
gathering you and saying you are so
then compassion is complete
the key found
***
Friday, April 26, 2019
i sailed a few times
i sailed a few times
these times have stayed with me
echoing over the rest of my life
goes to show anything i thought i wanted
strove for didn't matter to the guile and beguiling
underconciousness or primeval river
**
april 26
these times have stayed with me
echoing over the rest of my life
goes to show anything i thought i wanted
strove for didn't matter to the guile and beguiling
underconciousness or primeval river
**
april 26
Monday, April 22, 2019
then other times
the time of death
is just a start of a new life
for you and for me
because i believe you are somewhere
like in a pureland
on a very nice tower w/ all your love
seeing me here
below your heart never forgetting
every little thing
and everything is no longer ordinary
*
then other times
the door is ajar the vista is empty
all paths lead up
you are nowhere and so am i
*
spring rain
wide fields and sky
here is my pulse
my eyes
my lasting memories
of you
***
for my father
4.22.19
is just a start of a new life
for you and for me
because i believe you are somewhere
like in a pureland
on a very nice tower w/ all your love
seeing me here
below your heart never forgetting
every little thing
and everything is no longer ordinary
*
then other times
the door is ajar the vista is empty
all paths lead up
you are nowhere and so am i
*
spring rain
wide fields and sky
here is my pulse
my eyes
my lasting memories
of you
***
for my father
4.22.19
just seeing
great labor
through the
geography of mind
life valleys
or mountains
climbed or
crossed in the
generating
consciousness
wandering
striving seeking
concluded with
victory of cessation
just seeing
-----
RWE
4.22
through the
geography of mind
life valleys
or mountains
climbed or
crossed in the
generating
consciousness
wandering
striving seeking
concluded with
victory of cessation
just seeing
-----
RWE
4.22
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Gemma Augustea
to see it was to fill the mind with love
like a moonlit night visit to a garden of the gods and goddesses
or an impression of noon from high above the earth of perfect hue
for all our mural crowns and veils
cornucopia and realms of water floating Gaia worn and even weary
in ceasing struggle we find disposition gracefully through such a contest
Friday, April 12, 2019
at dusk it rained and there was still ice on the lake
at dusk it rained and there was still ice on the lake
a blue mist arose while the frozen water looked like stone
a grey slate
-----
Rice Lake
a blue mist arose while the frozen water looked like stone
a grey slate
-----
Rice Lake
Monday, April 08, 2019
Behind
I wanted to buy bread and a few grams of milk. They said I was under in my hibernation hours, and the business they are running a strict one, they are saving the planet. I got a lot of nasty stares. I picked up my card and smiled at them.
"If I caught up on my hibernation hours, I'd get behind on my student loan payments."
They kept staring at me.
"Legally I'm required to pay my student loan, so I have to work and not hibernate. My stasis debt adds up. Because of this, I'm punished by not being able to buy food at your store. Then I have to travel to the government center to eat, and that takes time out of working."
"We don't care. You're burdening the roads, electrical infrastructure, and services because you are above your hibernation."
I shrugged.
"Why don't you pull in the same direction?"
I waved at them as I left.
****
Outside, the wind blew. I was cold. I had on a city jumpsuit, made of some kind of cheap duropaper, county shoes, a municipal jacket. The shoes smell, the jacket itches, the suit is a dirty white color with black marks on the elbows and knees. My clothing rental allowance was revoked. Replacement clothing, mandated, free. A felony to edit clothing, repair it, or alter it in any way. City, county, or municipality do not bother to supply underwear. Which is good, I suppose. The padded jacket never stops itching.
My hat is an heirloom, the only piece I posses, the only thing I own in this world. It is a 100 year old New York Yankees baseball cap.
I adjust the cap, and walk back to my hop. I roll up the metal door, showing my sleep niche set into the building wall, there is a fold out toilet, and retractable chair with tabletop and small dust screen. There is also a recessed storage drawer, and a small fridge full of nothing. It all takes up about 3 feet of sidewalk when opened. If you use the toilet, the whole world sees you go. At night you fold everything in, to avoid the wind and dust, and sleep with the vent in the metal door open.
Home sweet hop.
"If I caught up on my hibernation hours, I'd get behind on my student loan payments."
They kept staring at me.
"Legally I'm required to pay my student loan, so I have to work and not hibernate. My stasis debt adds up. Because of this, I'm punished by not being able to buy food at your store. Then I have to travel to the government center to eat, and that takes time out of working."
"We don't care. You're burdening the roads, electrical infrastructure, and services because you are above your hibernation."
I shrugged.
"Why don't you pull in the same direction?"
I waved at them as I left.
****
Outside, the wind blew. I was cold. I had on a city jumpsuit, made of some kind of cheap duropaper, county shoes, a municipal jacket. The shoes smell, the jacket itches, the suit is a dirty white color with black marks on the elbows and knees. My clothing rental allowance was revoked. Replacement clothing, mandated, free. A felony to edit clothing, repair it, or alter it in any way. City, county, or municipality do not bother to supply underwear. Which is good, I suppose. The padded jacket never stops itching.
My hat is an heirloom, the only piece I posses, the only thing I own in this world. It is a 100 year old New York Yankees baseball cap.
I adjust the cap, and walk back to my hop. I roll up the metal door, showing my sleep niche set into the building wall, there is a fold out toilet, and retractable chair with tabletop and small dust screen. There is also a recessed storage drawer, and a small fridge full of nothing. It all takes up about 3 feet of sidewalk when opened. If you use the toilet, the whole world sees you go. At night you fold everything in, to avoid the wind and dust, and sleep with the vent in the metal door open.
Home sweet hop.
Friday, April 05, 2019
Dear __________,
June 11, 2046
(I think)
Dear __________,
The police know I am writing this, as it happens. They know everything nowadays, and they don't have to do anything to stop me.
They are waiting for me to fall asleep. Then they will come and stun me while I am unconscious, take me away, to whatever cryogenic prison. It may be years before they revive me, and I go on a quick secret trial and be executed.
No need to hide anything, or even confess here. They know when I fall asleep all my crimes will be laid bare, they will simply scan my mind, sift through billions of memories, use AI and algorithms to paint a picture of a thought criminal, having felony asocial attitudes, harboring deliberate creative thoughts with no socially redeeming values. They will measure how often I procrastinated, avoided being surveyed, pretended to fit in, pretended to agree.
I've been awake three days now, and I don't feel over tired for some reason. I may not feel a wall of fatigue because I know what will happen when I do close my eyes, it will be the end. It will be like dying. So I notice the little things, I appreciate my ordinary surroundings.
I rejoice that it is an unusually beautiful late afternoon. I think I've seen birds, or even butterflies playing but this is my imagination. Spring is here, and it might rain next week. I will never see you again. I thought that someday, despite how things are, we would be able to meet. Even if it affected your social score temporarily. But you need work and have so many people depending on you, and I would cost you too many points. We agreed in the past this was the reality. I thought in the end it would not bother me to not see you one last time. But I have been up for many days.
When I do fall asleep, I will dream about when you were born, and how the world was a different place than it is now. I will see hi rises without cameras, blue skies free of drones, and avenues without scanners. No checkpoints, no public humiliation broadcasts, no spontaneous crowd gathering shaming. No fear of walking to fast, too slow, being too happy, or too sad. I will relive our home where you could lock your front door, own your own clothing, own books, or have pens and paper, and your ID wasn't printed on everything you are authorized to touch.
Crime does not exist anymore, the state made it non existent. People do not exist anymore, just compliant thinking objects. But this has become a diatribe, or a lecture.
**
The sun has set, and I can hear thousands of crickets. It is a timed recording of mine, all the crickets on Earth are extinct, just like every butterfly. I look around this apartment one last time, I bow to the crickets, I bow to the lingering light in the sky, I bow to the memory of you, I bow to the small red lights in the wall that record everything I say and do.
There was so much more I wanted to do for you, and for my life. If only I had acted with more courage, given more love, took more chances for what was right, this would not have happened. I am not certain, but it would not have hurt.
I will dream of you now, and be content with that. I look at what I have written, on this contraband paper, with this ancient pencil, and I see it is inadequate. I think of Pancho Villa who said to his compatriots: "It can't end this way! Tell them I said something!"
If only I had more to say! If only I was more than me in this room. If only there was more than just a feeling of distance and now heartbreak. But I come back to myself, and see we are all adequate. We are all outfitted to get through what is given to us. I am grateful now. I have no more to say. There is nothing to be said.
With anyone suffering or gone, still all was absolutely beautiful. Like this last moment, this night.
Yours,
__________________
****
Record no. 544 - E23// 656
Retrieved from the old internet, 2088
22.2345.222277.290090 7 5 M
(I think)
Dear __________,
The police know I am writing this, as it happens. They know everything nowadays, and they don't have to do anything to stop me.
They are waiting for me to fall asleep. Then they will come and stun me while I am unconscious, take me away, to whatever cryogenic prison. It may be years before they revive me, and I go on a quick secret trial and be executed.
No need to hide anything, or even confess here. They know when I fall asleep all my crimes will be laid bare, they will simply scan my mind, sift through billions of memories, use AI and algorithms to paint a picture of a thought criminal, having felony asocial attitudes, harboring deliberate creative thoughts with no socially redeeming values. They will measure how often I procrastinated, avoided being surveyed, pretended to fit in, pretended to agree.
I've been awake three days now, and I don't feel over tired for some reason. I may not feel a wall of fatigue because I know what will happen when I do close my eyes, it will be the end. It will be like dying. So I notice the little things, I appreciate my ordinary surroundings.
I rejoice that it is an unusually beautiful late afternoon. I think I've seen birds, or even butterflies playing but this is my imagination. Spring is here, and it might rain next week. I will never see you again. I thought that someday, despite how things are, we would be able to meet. Even if it affected your social score temporarily. But you need work and have so many people depending on you, and I would cost you too many points. We agreed in the past this was the reality. I thought in the end it would not bother me to not see you one last time. But I have been up for many days.
When I do fall asleep, I will dream about when you were born, and how the world was a different place than it is now. I will see hi rises without cameras, blue skies free of drones, and avenues without scanners. No checkpoints, no public humiliation broadcasts, no spontaneous crowd gathering shaming. No fear of walking to fast, too slow, being too happy, or too sad. I will relive our home where you could lock your front door, own your own clothing, own books, or have pens and paper, and your ID wasn't printed on everything you are authorized to touch.
Crime does not exist anymore, the state made it non existent. People do not exist anymore, just compliant thinking objects. But this has become a diatribe, or a lecture.
**
The sun has set, and I can hear thousands of crickets. It is a timed recording of mine, all the crickets on Earth are extinct, just like every butterfly. I look around this apartment one last time, I bow to the crickets, I bow to the lingering light in the sky, I bow to the memory of you, I bow to the small red lights in the wall that record everything I say and do.
There was so much more I wanted to do for you, and for my life. If only I had acted with more courage, given more love, took more chances for what was right, this would not have happened. I am not certain, but it would not have hurt.
I will dream of you now, and be content with that. I look at what I have written, on this contraband paper, with this ancient pencil, and I see it is inadequate. I think of Pancho Villa who said to his compatriots: "It can't end this way! Tell them I said something!"
If only I had more to say! If only I was more than me in this room. If only there was more than just a feeling of distance and now heartbreak. But I come back to myself, and see we are all adequate. We are all outfitted to get through what is given to us. I am grateful now. I have no more to say. There is nothing to be said.
With anyone suffering or gone, still all was absolutely beautiful. Like this last moment, this night.
Yours,
__________________
****
Record no. 544 - E23// 656
Retrieved from the old internet, 2088
22.2345.222277.290090 7 5 M
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Thursday, March 21, 2019
3.21.19
desecrations
we perform in our head
on any normal beautiful day
separate from
primeval innocence
that hovers almost like sky
in abiding
all is realized as one
we saw ourselves as actors
**
the day after the first day of spring
2019
we perform in our head
on any normal beautiful day
separate from
primeval innocence
that hovers almost like sky
in abiding
all is realized as one
we saw ourselves as actors
**
the day after the first day of spring
2019
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
can't blame sailors / for telling tales
can't blame sailors
for telling tales
even if they aren't true
ocean gives
the ocean takes from you
can take everything
if you make it back
sometimes
you need to say something
about what can't be explained
to those who won't believe
***
for telling tales
even if they aren't true
ocean gives
the ocean takes from you
can take everything
if you make it back
sometimes
you need to say something
about what can't be explained
to those who won't believe
***
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
3.19.19
direct experience
nothing to say
but i can't help myself
it is quiet i speak
conflict arises as guru
illusory trials
through phantom places
gradually back home
the moon rises
just like before
when you thought
knew everything
**
3.19.19
almost spring
nothing to say
but i can't help myself
it is quiet i speak
conflict arises as guru
illusory trials
through phantom places
gradually back home
the moon rises
just like before
when you thought
knew everything
**
3.19.19
almost spring
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
every
the ship sunk
in green ocean
guns pointed
at the sky
it was full
of people
full of fuel
and bombs
full of food
goods and shoes
full of papers
and tires
oil and rags
metal hinges
doors cups
beds blankets
glass and
wood
the green ocean
has absorbed it
like nature
will absorb us
out of
any fiery disaster
out of
any highest rage
out of
any terrible moment
every little thing
every detail
every person
natures
greatest serenity
cannot
be refused
in green ocean
guns pointed
at the sky
it was full
of people
full of fuel
and bombs
full of food
goods and shoes
full of papers
and tires
oil and rags
metal hinges
doors cups
beds blankets
glass and
wood
the green ocean
has absorbed it
like nature
will absorb us
out of
any fiery disaster
out of
any highest rage
out of
any terrible moment
every little thing
every detail
every person
natures
greatest serenity
cannot
be refused
as if it can't / happen to us
words are words
until they eat the writer
it has happened
many words and writers
some words and people
we miss and use frequently
as if it can't
happen to us
*
until they eat the writer
it has happened
many words and writers
some words and people
we miss and use frequently
as if it can't
happen to us
*
Monday, March 04, 2019
who knew something like this
who knew something like this could cause so much pain
and these
create so much anguish and i am so hungry
invaded my home
poisoned me
they look like stringy vegetables like wormy roots
taste like rabbits
i must eat i'm a big man
filthy clever full of whiles and deceit
my useless neighbors
a clan of fools
ODYSSEUS burned into my brain
no one
indeed too clever for your own good
who knew something like this could cause so much pain
and these
create so much anguish
----
Sicily
and these
create so much anguish and i am so hungry
invaded my home
poisoned me
they look like stringy vegetables like wormy roots
taste like rabbits
i must eat i'm a big man
filthy clever full of whiles and deceit
my useless neighbors
a clan of fools
ODYSSEUS burned into my brain
no one
indeed too clever for your own good
who knew something like this could cause so much pain
and these
create so much anguish
----
Sicily
Sunday, March 03, 2019
Mr. Hyakujô.in a Cloud
I saw a cloud, with the sun peering through, and it said: "The law of cause and effect cannot be obscured." The cloud looked like Mr. Hyakujô.
Eurysaces and His Most Excellent Wife
Chung Tzu is here, reading the newspaper.
Eurysaces drops by and says, quite loudly, "EST HOC MONIMENTUM MARGEI VERGILEI EURSYACIS PISTORIS REDEMPTORIS APPARET."
Chung Tzu gives him a salute, where he is sitting.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Latin."
"Don't worry, Son." says Eurysaces. "I was saying I bake."
"And his most excellent wife was as precious as a basket of bread.*" says Chung Tzu.
-----
Hat Lake
---------
* FUIT ATISTIA UXOR MIHEI FEMINA OPITUMA VEIXSIT QUOIUS CORPORIS RELIQUAE QUOD SUPERANT SUNT IN HOC PANARIO
Eurysaces drops by and says, quite loudly, "EST HOC MONIMENTUM MARGEI VERGILEI EURSYACIS PISTORIS REDEMPTORIS APPARET."
Chung Tzu gives him a salute, where he is sitting.
"I'm sorry, I don't speak Latin."
"Don't worry, Son." says Eurysaces. "I was saying I bake."
"And his most excellent wife was as precious as a basket of bread.*" says Chung Tzu.
-----
Hat Lake
---------
* FUIT ATISTIA UXOR MIHEI FEMINA OPITUMA VEIXSIT QUOIUS CORPORIS RELIQUAE QUOD SUPERANT SUNT IN HOC PANARIO
Reading Koans
It is a winter morning, very bright, very cold. I read koans. They all seem to make sense.
"Snow shakes off the arms of trees." I observe to Chung Tzu
"You're a very busy little fellow in your noggin."says Chung Tzu.
----
Hat Lake
"Snow shakes off the arms of trees." I observe to Chung Tzu
"You're a very busy little fellow in your noggin."says Chung Tzu.
----
Hat Lake
Thursday, February 28, 2019
the universe will never forget you
the universe will never forget you
for the scratches that you made
or other marks that appear to smooth out
but are in fact eternal ripples
like every breath you took and every footstep
along all the journeys you took
through every happy or sad moment
on through every hope and doubt
none of us are ever forgotten
linked back to the first seed thought
back to the beginningless beginning
back to complete purity
as we seem to go out we in turn
are going back to complete purity
*
for the scratches that you made
or other marks that appear to smooth out
but are in fact eternal ripples
like every breath you took and every footstep
along all the journeys you took
through every happy or sad moment
on through every hope and doubt
none of us are ever forgotten
linked back to the first seed thought
back to the beginningless beginning
back to complete purity
as we seem to go out we in turn
are going back to complete purity
*
Wednesday, February 27, 2019
each night i revisit my collection of sleep
each night i revisit my collection of sleep
every dream like a record in a sleeve
favorite ones played so often there are deep grooves
each record plays for more than 1,000 years
but the needle always get bumped by dawn
*
every dream like a record in a sleeve
favorite ones played so often there are deep grooves
each record plays for more than 1,000 years
but the needle always get bumped by dawn
*
Thursday, February 21, 2019
sometimes when i meditate
sometimes when i meditate
i feel like a cat staring at a few potatoes
how can i know that? was i a cat before?
but it feels okay
the potatoes don't mind
all the buddhas don't mind
***
i feel like a cat staring at a few potatoes
how can i know that? was i a cat before?
but it feels okay
the potatoes don't mind
all the buddhas don't mind
***
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
all my thoughts/ return to god
all my thoughts
return to god
even though
i don't know
who god is
just like
every bird
i see
flies in
the sky
free
*****
return to god
even though
i don't know
who god is
just like
every bird
i see
flies in
the sky
free
*****
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Alcohol and Drunkenness Are Forbidden on Mars
"Alcohol and drunkenness are forbidden on Mars," said the commander as he rammed the lifter over and over again into the main airlock.
Tuesday, February 05, 2019
human nature stands in the middle of the path
human nature stands in the middle of the path
blocking the way eating something messy
you're annoyed justifiably
you don't want what human nature is munching on
until you get closer and see it is ice cream
***
blocking the way eating something messy
you're annoyed justifiably
you don't want what human nature is munching on
until you get closer and see it is ice cream
***
Monday, February 04, 2019
help me catch my mind it is trying to run away
help me catch my mind it is trying to run away
my mind saying it is not running away
ideas to fool me into being not vigilant
i am moving through a landscape that remembers nothing
nothing of me will be recalled when i am done with all opinions
__
Napa
Foster Road
Friday, February 01, 2019
unclasp your eyes from this writing / your beating heart is dreaming
unclasp your eyes from this writing
your beating heart is dreaming
the racing mind is free
a sky full of flowers bouquet
the trout in the stream sees
and fields upon fields are flowing
under a soft going breeze
#
your beating heart is dreaming
the racing mind is free
a sky full of flowers bouquet
the trout in the stream sees
and fields upon fields are flowing
under a soft going breeze
#
Thursday, January 31, 2019
the first thing to see \ is the moon
the first thing to see
is the moon
as obvious as you
then two stars
racing along side
fields of darkest blue
we look up
searching for clues
of what happens here
but we're from the sky
and we are from here too
all the same
^
the result of sleep \ is sometimes being tired
the result of sleep
is sometimes being tired
not knowing when i sleep
every insomniac dreams
when they are sure they are awake
&
is sometimes being tired
not knowing when i sleep
every insomniac dreams
when they are sure they are awake
&
i know less and less/ and the birds know all about air
i know less and less
the birds know all about air
so the birds never knew anything
they never thought they had to remember
anything
@
the birds know all about air
so the birds never knew anything
they never thought they had to remember
anything
@
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
mr jump drives his car like a bird
mr jump drives his car like a bird
through the sky and to a branch to sway
eagles and sparrows sit in back
turning on heated seats as they listen to the radio
raw burgers and seeds for SNACKS
people passing by on the frozen lake
hear much twittering and chirping
***
Medicine Lake
2019
through the sky and to a branch to sway
eagles and sparrows sit in back
turning on heated seats as they listen to the radio
raw burgers and seeds for SNACKS
people passing by on the frozen lake
hear much twittering and chirping
***
Medicine Lake
2019
Friday, January 18, 2019
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Thursday, January 10, 2019
we are out there out of our minds
we are out there out of our minds
every far isolated place with no hope of rescue
a cunning hideout with no excuses
**
every far isolated place with no hope of rescue
a cunning hideout with no excuses
**
Monday, January 07, 2019
if you give me anything i will ruin it/ i cannot help myself
if you give me anything i will ruin it
i cannot help myself
even listening to music
i like to hear false notes
you are like this too
there are no lectures to be endured
everyone is creating disorder
it is called being alive
mishearing called
having opinions
*
i cannot have anything
nothing had me
when i see this i know
how beautiful everything is
my hands cannot be filled
nor anything stolen
we are passing along
like birds in an unending sky
any direction we flit
there is sky
***
for Jñana
i cannot help myself
even listening to music
i like to hear false notes
you are like this too
there are no lectures to be endured
everyone is creating disorder
it is called being alive
mishearing called
having opinions
*
i cannot have anything
nothing had me
when i see this i know
how beautiful everything is
my hands cannot be filled
nor anything stolen
we are passing along
like birds in an unending sky
any direction we flit
there is sky
***
for Jñana
Friday, January 04, 2019
a spoon and book/ book very old
a spoon and book
book very old
yellowed pages with dark ink
speckled with some foxing
a translation of the constitution of solon
winter day
steaming mug wafting
heat and moisture up up stirred
by a spoon and keeping the book
translation of solon in an impeccable state
irreplaceable this
spoon old book and bright day
increasing age over everything laid
but the essence just temporarily staid
translation demanded by the freedom sent
***
book very old
yellowed pages with dark ink
speckled with some foxing
a translation of the constitution of solon
winter day
steaming mug wafting
heat and moisture up up stirred
by a spoon and keeping the book
translation of solon in an impeccable state
irreplaceable this
spoon old book and bright day
increasing age over everything laid
but the essence just temporarily staid
translation demanded by the freedom sent
***
Thursday, January 03, 2019
in dreams/ faces and wishes
in dreams
faces and wishes
washed reshod remade
reloaded for courage
for outrage or even bliss
so you may awaken
middle of the night
see yourself think
oh where and what is this
a person: me
---
1/3/19
faces and wishes
washed reshod remade
reloaded for courage
for outrage or even bliss
so you may awaken
middle of the night
see yourself think
oh where and what is this
a person: me
---
1/3/19
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